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Writer’s Block? Here’s What to Say in Your First Online Dating Message

Last modified: March 16, 2020 Avatar for Patty BreenBy Patty Breen
Writer’s Block? Here’s What to Say in Your First Online Dating Message

So you’ve tried everything else in terms of Catholic dating and have decided to take the chance on deciding to pay for a membership on CatholicSingles.

Imagine this scenario with me.

You pay and create your account with equal amounts of excitement and nerves.

Next, you start filling out your profile and finding photographs of yourself feeling free and happy. You feel confident about the vibe and energy you are putting online through your Catholic dating profile.

After working on these pieces, you are ready to begin searching and looking at profiles. Then maybe you see a smile or a profile that catches your eyes. He or she sounds witty, interesting, and you would like to know more.

You click the button to send your first message. But as you stare at that blinking cursor, you hit a brick wall.

What do I start with?

Should I lead with wit or authenticity?

Do I compliment him on his smile or tell her she has a stunning smile?

Do I focus on things we have in common or ask questions about his hobbies I would like to know more about?

It doesn’t take rocket science to know that Catholic dating is difficult (or just plain weird!) sometimes. If we are all on here or different Catholic dating websites it means we are trying new ways to meet people.

Online dating as a Catholic can feel a little intimidating when trying to know what to say in your initial message. How do you balance knowing what to say or how to say it in a first message to someone you would like to get to know better?

Here are a few ideas I have used when drafting initial messages to men in my own experience of online Catholic dating.

Find specific things to comment on you share in common

sending messages in online dating

Whenever you’re reading an online dating profile, begin by looking at the profile objectively. What draws you to that profile? What would help you get to know him or her better? 

As you read a man or woman’s profile, look for one or two things to comment on that you share in common or have similar interest.

Do you both love The Office or old movies? Make a note to share that and ask a question to know more.

Maybe you both have lots of photos of yourself traveling on your profile. Find out the story behind the craziest travel adventure or the top three best travel destinations.

An easy way to make an initial connection is find similar interests or things you have in common. It is something relatively simple to discuss and helps the conversation move forward at the early “get-to-know-you-stage.”

Ask a few follow-up questions

sending messages in online dating

Ask some follow-up questions on things you read that struck you, caught your attention, or that you want to know more about.

Are there particular interests or hobbies you would like to know more about?

Do his travel pictures make you want to know more?

Does her love of books and art leave you wondering what her favorite bookstores or museums are?

As you read this person’s profile with a certain amount of interest, are there things you want to know more about?

If yes, then ask from a perspective of curiosity to learn more.

Share what initially made you take the time to send a message

sending messages in online dating

This one can feel a little vulnerable, but hang tight with me. Remember Catholic dating doesn’t have to be weird. But be honest and share what initially made you send a message.

If she has a beautiful, striking smile, tell her without sounding creepy.

Did you think he was handsome in the profile picture? Tell him.

If what he said about his love for service and working with migrant communities, say how much you respected that.

There is a reason you are sending this person a message to get to know them a bit more. Be honest and authentic in communicating that with him or her.

I think it is a different way to stand out a little bit in a first message.

End with a fun, light-hearted question 

sending messages in online dating

After writing a thoughtful and intentional message, I wanted to end the message on a fun, playful note. 

I had a list of rotating questions I would use. Here are a few to give you some ideas:

  • What things most bring joy to your life?
  • What are three dreams you have for your life?
  • If you could have a coffee with any one saint in Heaven, who would it be and why?
  • If you had to pick an ice cream flavor to describe your personality, what would it be and why?

It might sound like a cheesy thing to you, but for me I found it to be a helpful practice in having fun and taking myself too seriously when it came to online dating as a Catholic.

These have been some of the things I use when I am sending messages to someone for the first time. Hopefully you find them helpful as you navigate Catholic dating online for yourself.

What are other ideas would you add to this list?

Are there any you have found especially helpful from your own experience?

Avatar for Patty Breen

    c
    12 Apr 2020
    10:12am

    Hi
    I have tried all of these things, 18 months not a first date stood up twice. Their excuse was “They reconnected with old flames”. Tinder and the other dating sites have made the only connections to be “True acts of GOD”. If I am to be alone, then a lonely death I will have.

    Jerin Philip
    13 Apr 2020
    6:11am

    I’ve discovered that it helps not to be too long-winded. Too many questions or ones that may require a lot of reflection to answer may be hard for the reader on a first message. However, after someone responds to a first message, then there’s more space to have deeper conversation.

    In general, people want to know that you’ve taken the time to read their profile and noticed something interesting about them. Commonalities are a great place to start! As the back and forth proceeds, keep asking thoughtful, but concise questions to maintain the momentum.

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