How to Talk Positively About Yourself on a Dating Profile
Catholic online dating can be a fun and exciting adventure. However, when it comes to writing about yourself on your online dating profile, you may find that you’re not sure how you should present yourself!
In this article, I’ll share tips on how you can overcome negative-self talk and embrace a positive self-image.
When You Don’t Try, You Already Have a “No”
When I was in High School I met the most endearing woman on a flight home from Hawaii. She instantly became like a grandma to me – she listened to my plans for college and gave me her extra box of macadamia-nut chocolates and a beautiful lei. During our conversation, she also gave me one of the best pieces of advice on confidence that I still remember years later. She said:
“You already have a ‘no’, why not try for a ‘yes’?”
In other words, the fear of failure can stop you from pursuing your dreams. If you don’t try, you already have a “no”, so give yourself a chance. Instead of worrying about what others may say, discover what you are capable of doing and find your “yes.”
Why You Need to Let Go of Negative Self Talk
It’s easy to let our negative perception of ourselves hinder our dreams. It can be especially harmful to our personal well-being and our Catholic online dating interactions. There are plenty of times we talk ourselves out of trying new things, convince ourselves that we aren’t good enough, or try to fit the mold people expect of us.
Over time, experiences like these fuel negative self-talk. We begin to tell ourselves things like, “you are not good enough.” Nobody would say these things to their best friend, but we say them to ourselves. We need to be our own best friends and put an end to these negative thoughts about ourselves.
Know Who You Are
This is especially important as you begin to describe yourself on your Catholic online dating profile. As you answer the many questions about yourself, it’s hard to speak well of yourself and be confident when there are so many doubts racing in your mind. Instead, we need to find the good inside ourselves.
My favorite line in the movie Moana is when she sings to Te Fiti, a nature goddess who became a monster, “This does not define you. This is not who you are. You know who you are, who you truly are.” Moana recognized the goodness in Te Fiti despite her frightening appearance.
It hurts when other people reject you with a “no”, but the real hurt is when we stop trying. Do not be afraid of rejection! It’s a part of the process. The good news is you already have the “no.” Now you can go for the “yes.” Maybe then you’ll just find the right person who’s “yes” aligns with yours.
How to Find Your “Yes” & Create Your Catholic Online Dating Profile
Writing your profile is a chance to uncover what makes you the amazing person you are. You have thoughts that belong only to you, a one-of-a-kind life story, and a unique set of hard-won talents. As you share these things, writing will help clarify your “yes.”
Here’s a few things to focus on to help you clarify your “yes.”
You Have a Unique Personality
These traits help shape who you are and how you interact with other people. They are positive aspects of who you are.
- Personality Traits: If friends always come to you for advice then you are most likely trustworthy and compassionate. If you are able to go with the flow when plans change then that means you are most likely flexible and can easily adapt. If you pursue your goals even when the odds are against you then you have drive and determination. Whatever defines you, be proud of it.
- Likes and Dislikes: You have certain tastes that enhance your particular view of the world. If you’re obsessed with a particular type of music and have lots of knowledge about it, then someone else might love learning about it. If you love interior decorating and have an opinion on home style then, you might just be the next Joanna Gaines. These preferences give you a unique perspective.
- Faith: If your faith is important to you, then it shapes how you live and the decisions you make. You probably have favorite prayers, devotions, or saints, that you look to for inspiration. Whether you grew up as a cradle Catholic or had an experience of conversion that changed your life, whether you attend a weekly holy hour in prayer or prefer more active ministries, these experiences shape your personality and define who you are as a Catholic.
- Values Here’s a list of 50 core values, to get started, you can narrow it down from there.
You have an Amazing Life Story
Your life story is interesting. Nobody has lived the same life as you, so everyone has something to learn from you.
- Family and community: You carry the lessons you’ve learned from those around you, whether good or bad. Those around you may have shown you what’s truly important in life. They may have contributed to your dreams, influenced your values. Your community helped develop your own unique perspective on the world. Share who really made a difference in your life.
- Accomplishments: Humility doesn’t mean rejecting praise or hiding what you are good at. I’m sure you have put time and energy into your job, hobby, or school. Do not be afraid to share your accomplishments, whether it’s completing a thesis or mastering the art of making the perfect soufflé. There is a lot of dedication that went into making these things happen.
You Have Hard-Won Talents
There are many skills that you use on a day-to-day basis. If these are the things you are good at, then you should be proud of them.
- What is your work like? To be hired for a job, you must possess a certain skill set and develop those skills as you grow as an employee. There are soft skills like being able to diffuse a tense situation and working well with others. Then there are the hard skills like computer programming, writing, accounting etc. Maybe, you are still in school developing those skill sets even further or maybe you just started your dream Etsy shop. Whatever skills you have acquired you had to work hard to gain them. Your job probably reflects some of your values, even if it’s not your “dream job.”
- What hobbies do you have? You might play an instrument, create crafts, make kombucha, or propagate succulents. Whatever you love, these are all areas that you have extra knowledge in and that enhance your life and could really interest another person.
What to Do If You Get Stuck (and even if you don’t)
If you get stuck when you are writing your Catholic online profile then ask for help from a trusted friend or family member. They will have lots of good things to say about you since their friendship allows them to see all your most positive attributes. They know your flaws too, but those won’t stop them from caring about you or from cheering you on. Keep their words in mind when you write about yourself. Have them look at what you’ve written.
Jesus is the ultimate friend, so take this to prayer. Sit at Jesus’s feet and ask him how he sees you. There are many verses in Scripture that speak to the truth of who you are – who God created you to be. A good starting place is Psalm 139:14 “you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” Remember that God crafted you with loving care and that He has a plan for you. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare, not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.”
Once you discover who you are in light of God, “you can set the world on fire,” as St. Catherine of Sienna would say. Embrace who you are in this season of life. Being single is a gift. It’s just as important of a time as when you are dating, getting married, or raising a family. There will always be another phase of life to reach, but reaching it will not fix any problems or give you confidence. Each stage brings its own sets of blessings and challenges. Now is a great time to have self-knowledge, to discover “who you truly are.” Brene Brown, the author of The Gifts of Imperfections, said:
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
After reflecting on who you are, share the parts of your story you are comfortable with. Not only can your profile be truthful and authentic, but you are on the path to “daring bravely.” I hope this path will continue to help you grow into the best version of yourself. That you will discover who you are, what you are called to do and live an extraordinary life.
Learn more today about creating a Catholic online dating profile that will give you the confidence to share your positive views on life, your faith and beliefs, and to proudly share your unique talents and personality to find your perfect match.
Bethany Swanson studied Humanities and Catholic Culture at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She’s originally from Oregon and is now enjoying the beaches and warm weather of California with her husband William. She shares her reflections on newlywed life and the faith on her blog at http://www.strengthenmyheart.com/