Matching with someone on Catholic Singles can be exciting and thrilling, and maybe terrifying. What if you don’t hit it off? What if you do? You might start talking to someone and realize that you probably won’t connect on an in-person date. Keep in mind that you don’t have to go on a date with everyone you match with or talk with.
Wondering how to discern whether or not to go on a date or ask someone out when you connect on an online dating site? Here are some guidelines to keep in mind when you’re trying to decide who to spend your time on.
1. Are there any red flags?
If you have any sort of misgivings or bad feelings about going on a date with a specific person, heed the warning and don’t go on that date. Your instincts are there for a reason.
Read more: What Are the Green Flags of a Healthy Relationship?
Maybe you just have one red flag about your interactions together. In that case, step back for a while and see if that red flag is indicative of anything more or if it’s something surmountable. But don’t overlook something that doesn’t have a peaceful resolution in sight. This will save you a lot of grief and heartache down the road.
2. What are the intentions behind the date?
Are you both looking for the same thing out of this potential date? Being transparent with your intentions will build a base of honesty and trust. Even if your intentions change over time, being upfront about that is important.
If your intentions don’t align, see if you can get on the same page. If you can, that’s a good sign for the date and any potential relationship. When you can’t, it probably means moving on and not going on a date would be best.
3. Is this someone you want to spend time with?
Do you enjoy this person’s company? If you’re just merely tolerating online conversations with this person, you probably don’t want to spend in person time with him or her. Similarly, maybe you should stop talking to this person anyway, if all the former is the case. Honesty is important in not leading someone on and also in building appropriate and healthy relationships.
Also ask yourself why you want to spend time with this man or woman. Do you like this person or do you like what he or she does? If it’s anything other than, “This person intrigues me for who he is and I want to find out more about him and how we might work together,” skip the date. Maybe not forever, but definitely in the short-term. Give yourself time.
4. Are you comfortable with the pace of the relationship?
Are things moving too quickly for you? Or too slowly? Is it possible for you to reset the pace to something more comfortable for you? How does your potential date respond to that? Remember that matching or talking with someone puts you under NO obligation to go on a date or spend time with that person! Your time is yours and you can do with it how you see fit.
If things are moving too quickly, investigate why. Is your match pushy? Have you given a green light but are now second-guessing? If any of these are the case, see if you can slow things down. Does your match respect this? If they do, go on a date when the timing is appropriate. If they don’t, don’t go on that date.
When things are moving too slowly, ask yourself why that’s potentially good or harmful. Is your match non-committal or just taking her time? Did you both agree to take things slowly but now that you’ve talked more you recognize the connection and want to act on it? See if your match is on the same page and go from there.
5. Why are you considering a date with this person?
Do you want to date this person or do you just want to go on a date? Going on casual dates to get to know others and learn more about yourself is definitely fine. In fact, I encourage it!
However, when considering who to spend that time on, is it that person that intrigues you or just the idea of a date? We can get so caught up in wanting romance or a relationship that we lose sight of the person in front of us and see only an opportunity. Don’t do that! Examine your feelings and see how they work with the potential match in front of you. Shopping for a partner is never a good idea. Leave the shopping for vegetables.
6. Is the proposed date an activity that you want to do?
Doing something you don’t want to do or makes you uncomfortable will not help your date to flourish and flow. It is good to go outside of your comfort zones from time to time and expand your tastes and understanding of yourself and the world. However, that shouldn’t be something you’re forced into or do without the support and understanding of those doing the activity with you.
Maybe your match proposes going to dinner and movie. You like food and movies! Okay, good start. But your match wants to go to a restaurant that serves Nigerian cuisine and then to see a horror flick. You’ve never had Nigerian food and horror flicks make you lose sleep for a week. See if you can go for the food and propose a different movie. It’s good to expand our palates but it’s not good to push our limits in ways that will negatively affect us physically. There’s a good challenge in opening ourselves to new experiences while knowing ourselves well enough to set appropriate limits. Do that!
Dating should be a fun, exploratory process of knowing another person and getting to know yourself through that person. Don’t skimp, rush, or minimize it. In the long-run, you’ll be a happier, healthier person with happier and healthier relationships for doing so.
