Do you have a checklist of qualities that you’re looking for in a partner? This might not be the best way to go about knowing what you want in a spouse. After all, sometimes someone checks off every box on your list but there’s no attraction. Then, other times there’s chemistry but the person doesn’t check off any boxes on your list! What to do then?
You need something both more solid and more fluid than a list of attributes to be on the lookout for in a potential partner.
Remember, you’re not shopping for a person. Online dating can lead to this shopping mentality, but Catholic dating should ground us in the reality that each of us are people, not objects. It’s good to know what attributes or type of person would be a good fit for you. But a partner isn’t just someone to complete you or your checklist. A partner is a person, each distinct from the other and each made in the image and likeness of God.
Here are five things to keep in mind while looking for a partner in online Catholic dating that will help you find a partner and stop shopping so you can start discerning.
1. Cross off physical characteristics from your list
Yes, attraction is a good thing and there needs to be some base level attraction between partners. However, you should not consciously be on the lookout for a person who meets physical expectations. Maybe you think your “type” is a six foot tall man with dark hair and dark eyes. But then you match with someone who has light hair and green eyes. So what? Our bodies are good no matter what they look like!
There is no such thing as a perfect or (completely) imperfect body. It’s okay if you’re just not attracted to a certain person. However, someone’s physical characteristics should never be used as a moral judgment for or against someone.
Online dating can be challenging because a picture is one of the first (and sometimes only) things you encounter about a person. Remember, you are not shopping for a spouse and the appearance of a person’s body isn’t the most important thing about them. They’re a person, not a profile picture.
2. Don’t get too caught up in personality types
Two introverts can work just fine, and an introvert and an extrovert can have a great relationship. It all depends on how you mesh together! With the rise of personality tests like the Myers-Briggs, temperaments, and the enneagram, it can be easy to reduce yourself or a potential partner just into a list of attributes or a sum of parts.
Are these tools very helpful in understanding ourselves and others and learning how to relate and work together? Absolutely! But they can never replace actual interaction and learning about the unique person in front of you.
3. Don’t be too specific
Instead of looking for someone who wants to go to every MLB stadium just like you do, look for someone who loves to travel. It might not be as specific as the adventures you have in mind, but a common love of travel will naturally bring you to your goal of hitting up every MLB stadium while allowing you to take in other sights and experiences.
Instead of looking for someone who loves playing Skyrim and other RPGs, look for someone who is interested in games and is slightly competitive. Then, you can connect over something you both enjoy while allowing room for the different personalities and interests of others to expand your own tastes and personality. This, of course, should be always be a two-way street.
4. Be realistic
Saying that you’re adventurous is a little too broad for your online dating profile. Instead, be realistic about what you do enjoy and let people know that you might like trying new things like cliff diving or going to a new country. Just like it’s important to be realistic with your own personality, remember to be realistic with the people you meet on online dating sites, too.
When you set your expectations too broad, you can miss the important details of another person. If you do this unknowingly and get into a relationship, there’s the potential for real hurt feelings, misunderstanding, and resentment. Being upfront about your limits and own personality is an act of humility that will serve both you and your partner in the long run.
Your online dating profile should be a realistic representation of who you are. Don’t embellish or omit real things. If you meet your partner in California but don’t want to be living in California long-term while he does, tell him up front! Don’t say, “Living on the West Coast would be great” when you mean, “I like the ocean and want to visit it and Nevada, Oregon, and Washington states are great! I just don’t like California itself.” Too broad leaves too much up for interpretation.
5. Leave the cutesy lines to romantic comedies
Everyone wants to find the mac to their cheese or the peanut butter to their jelly! But to do that, you need to not be in love with the idea of being in love and be ready to love a person. Don’t get me wrong, John Hughes romance is great. But you want a partnership that will last through non-movie worthy moments of life, too.
Catholic dating should be focused on the complementary of persons while having a solid foundation that will ensure you endure the ups and downs and storms. So drop the movie expectations and look for someone who is a good friend and confidant while being someone whose very presence makes you want to be a better person.
Ready to stop shopping and start discerning? Create your online dating profile today with Catholic Singles. We connect our members through user polls and activities, because you’re a person, not a profile picture. Trust your online dating journey to the original Catholic dating site today!
