Meeting someone on a Catholic dating site can be intimidating and full of questions. But it doesn’t have to be scary! After all, I met my husband on a Catholic dating site!
Here are are some things I learned about dating relationships between Catholic men and women after meeting my husband on an online dating site.
1. Dating profiles are supposed to give a glimpse, not the whole story
Look for a single Catholic man or woman whose profile gives a nice overview of who they are and what they like. Don’t forget to make sure your profile is doing the same! Then, use those glimpses into their story as a jumping off point for conversation and connection.
For example, I’m a huge Gilmore Girls fan. My now husband’s name is Jess and when he popped up on my list of new matches, I knew I had to get to know the man who shared a name with my favorite character. It also helped that he had some interesting details in his profile, like the fact that he knew another language! That gave us lots to talk about at the beginning.
2. First dates should be somewhere accessible and public
You’re meeting this person for the first time, so you want the first date to be in a space that will give you an easy out if the date goes sour. Also, a public place can take the pressure off of the date.
This is one of those areas where I “lived and learned”. My husband and I lived about six hours apart when we met on a Catholic dating site, so, for our first date, we decided to meet in the middle in a town neither of us had ever been before.
The date was fine but there was so much pressure on what to do, where to go, and even just how to keep conversation going. We also ended up sleeping in our cars in a parking lot because we stayed to talk too late for either of us to make it home safely.
Read more: 6 Modern Etiquette Tips For The First Date
There are a lot of things I’d redo with that first date, so learn from my experience. Make sure your first date is in an accessible and public place!
3. Sending that first message doesn’t have to be scary
Your first message to the man or woman who catches your eye can be something very simple like, “I think we have similar interests and I’d like to get to know you better.” It can be much more detailed but also make sure that you don’t overshare with that first message or two.
You want your match to keep coming back for more conversation and you don’t want to give out too many details to someone you don’t know. Remember being taught stranger danger as a kid? It still applies here, especially with online dating.
My first message to my now husband was something along the lines of, “Your profile makes you look like a standup guy. I’d like to get to know you better. Also, what other language do you know?” Short, simple, and to the point.
He responded with something like, “Yeah, looks like we have some stuff in common. Do you really want to live in California forever?” My profile mentioned that I wanted to stay in California long-term. “That language is Serbian. I’m studying it right now,” he said to wrap up the first message.
From there, our messages got longer and longer but these were great jumping off points.
4. Get the relationship offline sooner rather than later
Meeting someone on an online dating site is all well and good, but there are some things about a person that you just can’t get a real handle on until you meet them in person. Body language, voice inflections, and how he or she interacts with situations and people around him are all extremely important to getting to know a person.
You don’t have to send one message and then demand to meet in person, but you really shouldn’t let it go only online for more than a month before getting together in the offline world.
My husband and I decided to meet up after a week of messaging. This was in part because I thought I’d be moving further away soon and part because we wanted to get the relationship offline as soon as possible. We figured we knew enough about each other at that point that a date wouldn’t lag or be awkward.
We were right! One week was the right amount of time for us, but it could be longer for you. I don’t recommend meeting up sooner than one week of talking online because you may not have enough information on a person to be ready.
5. Don’t be pressured to meet in person, either
Maybe there’s just something about him or her that makes you uneasy. Maybe you’re going on a trip soon and want to wait until after you’re back, even though that pushes back meeting up by a few weeks. Whatever your reason, listen to your gut. You do not owe anyone your time or presence. Forcing someone to meet up before they’re ready is a red flag, too.
Before meeting my husband online, I talked to other men, too. There was one who I had been talking with off and on for a few weeks but I just didn’t feel like I knew him well enough to meet in person, yet. He was very insistent that we meet up and that made me uneasy. I followed my gut and said no, which effectively stopped whatever relationship we had. It worked out, though, because I met my now husband a month later.
There are so many good things that can come from Catholic online dating, just make sure you’re staying safe and following your gut. Who knows, you might end up with a spouse!
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