5 Dating Lessons That Saints Louis and Zelie Martin Taught Me
When it comes to friendship with the saints, it can be challenging to pick a favorite. After all, they’re all holy men and women, offering unique stories on their path to Heaven.
If I had to pick my favorites, Edith Stein, John Paul the Great, Maria Goretti, and Theresa of Avila are some of the friends I turn to regularly. I want to be a great saint, and I love surrounding myself with witnesses who encourage me along that journey.
But when I chatted with people about their favorite saint, one beautiful lady kept popping up in conversation and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. For the longest time, I couldn’t stand Saint Therese of Lisieux.
Maybe it was her neatness. Her gentle smile seemed to find me in every chapel that I went to – a stray holy card there, a statue here, a constant presence of roses.
She was the epitome of humility, while I struggled with my biggest vice of pride. She was tidy and calm and I was wrestling internally and externally the definition of chaos.
Therese’s Story of a Soul was easy to read. She communicated through evident signs, like roses. My life was all over the place and I struggled to organize anything.
But, I gradually realized that Therese had a lot of lessons to teach me about humility and the little way.
Then I discovered Therese’s saintly parents, Louis and Zelie Martin. Their marriage became a source of inspiration for me as I discerned my own vocation. The Martins taught me about suffering, joy, and living life together.
Here are five dating lessons that Louis and Zelie have taught me so far – I hope you enjoy getting to know this gem of a couple!
1. Listen to God’s voice
Before Louis and Zelie met each other, both had discerned a call to religious life. Because he could not master the Latin language, Louis was rejected by the Augustinian Great Saint Bernard Monastery. Zelie also pursued a call to the Sisters of Charity of Saint Vincent de Paul, but due to respiratory difficulties and reoccurring headaches, she was also rejected.
In April 1858, Louis and Zelie passed each other on a bridge over the Sarthe River. When she noticed Louis, a young man in his mid-thirties, Zelie heard an interior voice telling her “This is the one I’ve prepared for you.”
Louis’ mother was in a lace-making class with Zelie, and she later introduced the two. They courted for 3 months before their wedding.
Saints Louis and Zelie Martin remind us of the importance of prayer while we’re discerning our vocation. Pray for your future husband or wife, and pray for a deeper relationship with the Lord during this season of singleness.
2. Love and suffering go hand in hand
Suffering was no stranger to the Martin home. Although Louis and Zelie had nine children together, four of the children did not live past childhood. Two of their sons, Marie-Joseph-Louis and Marie-Joseph-Jean-Baptiste, passed away before their first birthday. Both of their daughters died in 1870. Marie Helen died when she was five years old. Finally, Marie Melanie Therese died when she was just seven weeks old after being neglected by her wet-nurse.
After Therese was born, Zelie was diagnosed with breast cancer. Five weeks before her death, Zelie penned a letter begging God for “if not for a cure, then for perfect abandonment to the will of God.”
Zelie’s funeral was held in the same basilica where she and Louis had said their wedding vows.
Twelve years after Zelie’s death, Louis suffered two paralyzing strokes, which were followed by cerebral arteriosclerosis. He was hospitalized for three years in a mental health asylum in Caen. Louis returned home to Lisieux, where two of his daughters took care of him before his death in 1894.
It may seem that suffering is an all-too familiar companion during this season of singleness. But God can transform even your suffering. Entrust him with the struggles of being single.
3. Strive for holiness
After their deaths, Louis and Zelie were both recommended for sainthood, but their causes were separate. Then, in 1971, Blessed Pope Paul VI recognized that their marriage was at the center of their holy lives together. He united the causes into one. In 1994, Saint Pope John Paul the Great declared the couple blessed.
Two miracles were needed for the canonization of the couple, and both involved the miraculous healing of babies. In 2002, Pietro Schiliro was healed from lung trouble. He would go on to attend the couple’s canonization Mass. Carmen Perez Bons, a little baby girl born in Spain, was healed thanks to the saintly couple’s intercession in 2008.
It was incredible reading about the miracles attributed to the Martins. I thought it was beautiful to see their love of families and children influence everything – even the miracles that they worked after their death here on earth.
If you’re single, this doesn’t mean that you should wait until you’re married to strive for holiness. Instead, find ways (little and big!) to sanctify your life and draw closer to Christ.
4. Community is crucially important
Louis was a member of a group of men called “The Catholic Club”. They met regularly under the direction of Father Hurel, the priest who witnessed the vows of Zelie and Louis! The men supported one another in charitable work and regularly met for prayer and worship in the chapel at Notre Dame de Lorette.
Afterward, they would go play billiards together (a game that Louis was a pro at!).
Meanwhile, Zelie kept up regular correspondence via letters with the women in her life.
It can be easy to let community fall by the wayside while you’re pursuing your vocation. Louis and Zelie offer a beautiful example of the necessity of friendship and community in marriage.
Struggling to balance community and discern your vocation? You’re not alone. But don’t let friendships fall away while you pursue a relationship. Instead, work to maintain a healthy balance between the two, realizing that community is essential.
5. Make time for daily prayer
Every night, the Martin family gathered around a statue of Mary to pray together.
In 1883, Therese fell ill after her sister, Pauline, left for the convent. Although Marie took Pauline’s place, the separation caused Therese to become ill. At age ten, she was in grave danger. Her sisters began to pray over her bed together, and one suggested to bring in the statue of Mary that they prayed in front of every night into Therese’s bedroom.
While the sisters continued to pray, the statue came alive and smiled at Therese, curing her. The statue is now referred to as “Our Lady Smiles”
When she was eleven, Therese made her first communicants. Together with her class, she consecrated herself to the Blessed Mother. The Martin’s devotion to Mary and to a steady prayer life inspired Therese all throughout her life.
The Martin’s five living daughters all went on to pursue a vocation to religious life, inspired by the holiness of their parents and their prayer life together.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that prayer is one of that last things you should do when in a season of singleness. Instead, establish a habit of daily prayer today!
Chloe Langr is a very short stay-at-home-wife, whose growth has probably been stunted by the inhumane amounts of coffee she regularly consumes. When she is not buried in a growing stack of books, she can be found spending time with her husband, geeking out over Theology of the Body, or podcasting. You can find more about her on her blog "Old Fashioned Girl."