Sometimes it can be obvious that asking someone out on a date is a great idea. Maybe the two of you had instant and undeniable chemistry when you met on an online dating site. You both know it’s only a matter of time before you’re in a wonderful and fulfilling relationship together.
But let’s be realistic. This kind of completely clear-cut scenario doesn’t happen for most people. More than likely, there is some level of uncertainty about whether asking someone out on a date would be a good idea or not.
If you’re discerning that first date, there are some things that can seem like a good reason to ask a person out that aren’t always what they seem. Here are three common (but bad!) reasons for asking someone out, and three better reasons that you should go ahead and ask them out.
You think they’re attractive
Romantic movies and sitcoms would have us believe that every time you have the chance to go out with someone who you find attractive, you should go out with them. However, this isn’t always the case.
Just because you find someone attractive doesn’t mean they’re a good match for you. But it’s easy to know this fact intellectually and still be blinded by physical attraction.
Physical attraction is important for a romantic relationship to work. It certainly wouldn’t be a good idea to date someone to whom you feel absolutely no physical attraction. After all, the end game of marriage and family would be pretty tricky that way.
Despite the importance of physical attraction in a relationship, we shouldn’t overemphasize how important physical attraction is in the grand scheme of things. Don’t miss the glaring reasons that someone isn’t a good match for you, simply because you’re caught up in how physically attractive they are.
If you’re thinking of asking someone out because they’re attractive, ask yourself instead whether or not you’re attracted to them on other levels as well. Can you honestly say that you find the person attractive in other ways as well? If their personality, thoughts, and spirituality are attractive to you, too, that’s a great reason to ask someone out and get to know them better.
You have something in common
Just because you’ve bonded over something you share in common doesn’t mean you should go out on a date with someone you met online. Maybe you’re discerning a date with someone who shares you area of work. You love the way that the two of you can talk about things specific to your industry and knowledge base.
The same can be said for sharing a hobby with someone. Common interests like these can be a great starting point for getting to know someone. But having something in common with someone isn’t enough to make it a good idea to ask someone out.
You could share a work experience with someone and assume that the two of you will be great in other areas of life. But you might be missing red flags about the rest of their lifestyle that will be completely incompatible with yours. Sharing common hobbies and interests doesn’t mean that you’ll mesh well, or even that you’ll share stances on important moral tenants you hold.
Much better than asking someone out because you share something in common with them would be to ask someone out who shares your faith. If the two of you have the Christian Faith (or even more so Catholicism) in common, you have a starting point of commonality when it comes to the most important things in life.
It could even be argued that sharing faith with someone you’re dating is far more important than having other interests in common. After all, with attraction and eventually love, the two of you can grow in interest and knowledge about other areas of one another’s lives.
It’s not impossible to make a relationship work with a non-Catholic, or even someone who’s not Christian. But it will be difficult to be on the same page with them when it comes to intimacy, marriage, and a host of other important things.
You’re feelin lonely
We’ve all had our moments of loneliness. Most of us have felt at times like our life will just never get on track in the way we want it to. Those moments are not the time to take the plunge and ask someone out.
If you’re feeling desperate, it can feel like you have to do something to try and make things better. But this is not a healthy emotional or mental state to be in when you’re trying to start a new relationship. You’re not at your best, so chances of things going as well aren’t necessarily as high as they could be.
It’s not particularly fair to the person you ask out if you do it out of a sense of desperation, rather than a sense of excitement over getting to know them.
If you’re thinking of asking someone out when you feel like this, perhaps the best thing you could do would be to wait. Give it a little time. Take some time to get to a more positive place emotionally. Then reevaluate whether it seems like a good idea to ask someone out on a date.
If you look at the situation when you’re feeling less desperate and are seeing your life in somewhat more positive terms, and you still feel like you’d like to date this person, then it would be a great idea to ask them out.
Dating someone new should be an exciting and exhilarating time in your life, not a desperate hope that you’ll start to feel better.
