It can be tempting to say “yes” to any date offer you receive when you’re logged into an online dating app, especially if you’ve been going through a dating dry spell. Going on dates is very good! It’s a great way to get to know someone and expand your social circle. But sometimes, you should say “no” to the offer of a date.
It’s challenging to know when (and how!) to turn down a date. It can feel painful. You might be wrestling with feelings of doubt or shame, and you could even be feeling rude. That’s not necessarily the case, though! It can be very respectful to decline the offer of a date with a specific person.
Here are five tips on when to pass up that date.
1. The person is being pushy
Your potential date just won’t stop pestering you to meet up in person, and they’re not taking no for an answer. It could be that this Catholic man or woman is just excited and eager to meet you in person. But if they cared about you, they would honor your request and leave the ball in your court.
If he or she is being pushy with this first date, chances are high that being pushy is a bad habit of theirs (and a red flag for you!).
You never have to sacrifice yourself, your sense of safety, or your morals for a date, no matter how good attractive someone’s dating profile is.
2. You’re taking a break from dating
Maybe you’ve just broken up with someone. Perhaps you’re busy in this season of life. Or maybe, you’re taking a break from online dating all together. No matter the circumstances, if you’re on a dating break, honor that and say “no” to any offers you might receive.
Read more: How To Start Dating After A Breakup
You can tell your potential date that you’re taking a break and will reconnect with him or her once it’s over. If she’s still available when you are, then you can move forward.
It’s important to give yourself the space you need to heal or deal with other areas of your life. If dating doesn’t fit into that right now, that’s okay. There will be other dates.
3. You’ve noticed some red flags
Does he lack respect for you, your values, and your boundaries? Does she disagree with Catholic teaching? Is he not free to marry and isn’t pursuing an annulment? Do you have any misgivings at all or just a feeling in the pit of your stomach?
If the answer to any of these (and more) are yes, then you should not go on a date with that person! Red flags are meant to make us stop and consider before putting ourselves in potential danger or getting hurt. Pay attention to them.
This is not your last chance at a date. You are not bad, damaged, or just not being open enough. We were given instincts to follow and to help guide us. Let them guide you and stay away from anyone who gives off red flags!
4. You’ve discerned that marriage isn’t your vocation
If this is the case, you shouldn’t even have a dating profile anymore! So if you’re reading this and you do, delete it.
Do not go on dates when you know they will not go anywhere. Dating is all about finding your vocation, whether that be to priesthood/religious life or to marriage.
Once you find your vocation, there’s no need to search anymore! Join a young adults group, a recreational sport, or some other sort of league or club to find friendships to meet relationships needs instead.
5. There’s not a future for the two of you
For whatever reason, you do not see a future with this potential date. In this case, the right thing to do is to decline any date offers and move on. There are number of reasons this might be the case. Maybe things just aren’t clicking between the two of you, or you have totally different word views. But it’s also important to keep in mind that there is no wrong reason to not see a future with a certain person.
Save yourself and the other person some time and heartache and turn the date down. There’s nothing worse than investing time in a person just to find out she never wanted to continue dating you anyway.
While it is fun and thrilling to be online dating and to be asked on a date, not all dates are a great fit. Learn to see what is and is not a good fit for your dating life and go from there.
Saying “no” does not make you a bad person or dater or even too picky or closed off. It simply means that you respect yourself and others enough to not waste anyone’s time.
Don’t worry, there’s a date out there for you somewhere and you will find him or her. Luckily, you’re on a great Catholic online dating site! So there are plenty of people to meet and get to know, and that’s what dating is all about anyway. Are you ready to start creating your online profile with Catholic Singles? Download our new Catholic online dating app here.