What to Do When Your Online Dating Match Seems Too Good to Be True
Online dating is different for everyone. But most of the time, we hear about frustrations with finding no matches, or with only finding people you don’t think are quite right for you.
But every once in a while, it just might seem like you’ve hit the jackpot.
When your online dating experience is exciting, do you wonder if things are too good to be true?
If you find yourself in the exciting situation of finding someone who looks like a fantastic match, here are three pieces of advice to help you temper excitement with some prudent caution.
It’s okay to be excited
I was recently reading through a discussion thread on Reddit, started by a woman seeking advice from the wise and experienced. She created an online dating account. Within three short minutes, she received a message from someone who seemed absolutely perfect for her.
It didn’t take long for her to feel incredibly attracted to him, and even daydream of marrying him. She worried that this match was too go to be true. Surely she couldn’t have such great success so soon!
“You don’t have to feel ashamed about idealizing your guy! It’s a natural part of attraction and falling in love, especially for the first time,” another Reddit user responded.
If you have natural attraction and excitement about someone you met through online dating, that’s good!
It’s easy to let cynicism take over too quickly if you find success like this. You may wonder if you really found a great match. You could be questioning if this is too good to be true?
This isn’t to say that caution isn’t important. But equally important is allowing ourselves to feel the excitement and the thrill of anticipation for where this might go.
Keep your expectations realistic
Excitement is great. Don’t cheat yourself out of it! But realism is important too.
What should you do if you’re struggling to balance excitement and realism?
“Try this exercise,” a Reddit user recommended. “List at least three things that honestly aren’t that great about him. If you can’t think of any, perhaps you don’t know him quite well enough. Don’t give your heart away just yet.” Pretending something more exists between you and the potential match could actually scare your match away.
Realistic expectations remind you that it’s impossible to know someone fully when you’re only interacting online. “When people express themselves online, even if they are the most honest in the world, they will have a mask that they unintentionally give themselves,” the Reddit user continued.
It’s necessary to have realistic expectations (and good boundaries!) because it’s tempting to wear a “mask” when your’e behind a screen.
“Because of this mask, you have to build a dam to hold your feelings and only let a few of your feelings through, which means to show great restraint,” she concluded. “But here is where you have to build that dam because even if he’s honest, you’re seeing but a mask. Hold on to those expectations until you actually meet him, and then you can let more water start to flow through.”
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
It’s natural to feel excited and hopeful when you find someone like this online. But until you’re sure that you really have found your special someone, how should you proceed, practically speaking?
What should you do if you’re excited about one match, but other potential matches are also sending messages your way? It can be easy to dismiss the others because you’re excited about one match in particular.
Should you send a courtesy message to the others, letting them know you’re not interested?
It might be wiser to not respond at all. If it turns out that the match you’re excited about doesn’t work out, you can always go back and take a second look at those other messages.
Even though this great match seems perfect, you’ve only interacted with each other online. There is much left to the unknown.
Another female user cautions on some practical concerns in this area, noting that there is always the need to be careful with potential matches that happen quickly and seem extraordinarily perfect. She says that she herself had a bad experience in online dating that began in such a way.
“There was a profile of a handsome man in a Tuxedo from a wealthy community. He was never married. He was a devout Catholic. Yeah, it was too good to be true,” she recounted. “Later I saw the exact same profile picture used for another account. There are a lot of fraudulent profiles.”
But even this giver of more cynical advice admits that it’s still possible the original poster actually did just hit the jackpot.
If you’ve found your match, be excited! But remember to not abandon prudence (or patience!) in the midst of your excitement.
Adrienne Thorne is a Catholic wife, mother, screenwriter, and blogger, as well as author of the Catholic YA romance novel SYDNEY AND CALVIN HAVE A BABY. She blogs about TV and Movies from Catholic perspective at Thorne in the Flesh: A Faithful Catholic's Guide to Netflix, Hulu, and More.