“Cooking jarring” is an online dating trend that sounds like a cliched plot line from an episode of Boy Meets World or Growing Pains. Unfortunately, cookie jarring a potential partner is not just the stuff of sitcoms. It’s a trend that Catholic singles need to be aware of during their online dating journey.
When it comes to online dating, it’s not out of the ordinary for people to have multiple conversations with different people going on at once. But cookie jarring is when someone is talking to you as if they’re interested in you, but they’re actually already dating someone else. If you’ve been someone’s backup plan, you’ve been cookie jarred.
Read more: 8 Online Dating Trends to Watch for in 2020
How can you tell if you’re connecting with someone who wants a real relationship with you? What should you do if you suspect you’re being cookie jarred? Here is everything Catholic singles need to know about the unfortunate dating trend of cookie jarring.
How to know when someone is cooking jarring you
Sending multiple messages out when you’re logged onto an online dating site or app isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s totally normal. You might not get responses from every message you send. But sometimes, you can receive multiple responses!
It’s not realistic to expect that everyone you message is talking exclusively with you. However, you should have a reasonable expectation that anyone you’re messaging with isn’t already working towards, or even already in, an exclusive relationship with someone else. The remote nature of online dating can make it particularly difficult to tell if a person you’re interested in dating actually means it when they let you know the feeling of interest is mutual. But there should be some signs that can make it apparent if you’re actually someone’s backup plan.
Any sort of hot-and-cold pattern from the other person could be a red flag. The two of you may have hit it off initially, but then things go silent. The other person goes cold sporadically, only to be very interested in you later. Something might be up, and you might be a cookie jarring victim.
Another bad sign might be if you try to make plans to chat via video or phone and the person flakes out or gives excuses for why it won’t work on multiple occasions. Other red flags could include things like a reluctance to make any sort of definite plans, or a hesitance to move forwards towards an actual relationship with you. It can be pretty hard to tell definitively whether this is happening to you or not, but it’s always a good idea to listen to your gut feelings if something seems off.
What to do if you think you’re being cookie jarred
Suspecting that someone you met online is cookie jarring you leads you into tricky territory. You certainly don’t want to come across like a paranoid person by grilling them about their intentions. However, you also don’t want to let them treat you like a security blanket instead of a human being with dignity. A good strategy in this case (like most Catholic dating situations!) is to strive for honest and open communication.
Do you think you’re being cookie jarred? Try to think of way to ask the man or woman you’re talking to about your experience. This could involve telling them about instances where this has happened to you or someone you know in the past. Or, it could simply be a straight-up question about just how interested they are in pursuing a relationship with you.
Granted, you always run the risk of the person you’re getting to know having no qualms about cookie jarring. There’s no guarantee that they’ll be honest with you about their behavior. Despite all this, the good thing about Catholic dating is that the other person probably has at least some level of conscience. Even if they lie to you, your questions about their behavior could serve as a gut check.
Understanding negative online dating trends
Behavior like cookie jarring is certainly nothing new. But sadly, the modern landscape of online dating has increased the kind of bad behavior people can get away with. We can also point an accusatory finger at our modern hookup culture. We live in a world where many people are used to making even intimate connections with others that are absolutely void of commitment.
Commitment seems more frightening than ever these days. Many young adults are often told not to rush into committed relationships. But beyond this widespread commitment-phobia, a deeper reason people might be tempted to cookie jar someone often stems from a deep insecurity.
If they’re beginning a relationship with someone else, insecurity says that things probably won’t work out. They might worry that they’ll be left all alone. If this is an insecurity they’re experiencing, having backup options might seem like a good course of action.
Be that as it may, you deserve much more than to be kept in someone’s cookie jar in case their other option doesn’t work out. You deserve someone who is excited at the prospect of a relationship with you and is eager to see what a future with you looks like.
At Catholic Singles, we strive to create a holy, healthy, and safe online dating environment. We help single Catholics connect through common interests and activities, because you’re a person, not a profile picture. Trust the original Catholic dating site with your Catholic dating journey today.