What are your top pet peeves when it comes to online dating? If I were to ask you to make a list, I bet you could come up with a few without giving it much thought. Now ask yourself if you do any of the things you came up.
Sometimes the things that other people do to drive us crazy can be the very things we struggle with ourselves. Since we’re in the season of Lent and this is a time for self reflection and letting go of vices, it’s a great time to take a look at the things that could be hurting your chances of success with online dating.
Not sure what to start with? Read on to see which bad habits you should kick to the curb.
1. Not using your online dating app for long periods of time
If you’re guilting of this first bad habit, consider “taking on” more time in your dating app this Lent. Yes, while a lot of people are cutting back on screens for forty days, I’m asking you to dive deeper in.
Relationships need to be built and nurtured. But you aren’t going to do either of these things if you aren’t logging in to your online dating app at all. The more time you spend on a dating app, the more the app will make available to you.
Just like sitting at home isn’t going to get you anywhere, neither will keeping your computer closed. Hop online at least once a day and spend time reaching out and making connections.
2. Leaving messages unreturned
Returning messages should be a mandatory prerequisite for online dating. Seriously though, leaving someone’s message sitting all alone in your inbox isn’t doing you or that person any favors.
A conversation is between two people, and if you’re not going to respond, that sends a clear message back (whether intentional or not) that this conversation is over. That bad habit can hurt your chances at connecting with someone who may be a good fit for you.
If this is one of your bad online dating habits, ask yourself why you don’t return messages. Is it because you don’t know what to say? Are you being lazy? Not interested in what the other person has to say?
After you pinpoint the reason, find a way to counteract it with a response. If you’re lost for words, as a friend for help crafting a sentence or two back. Being lazy? Commit to answering messages before you even log out. That way there’s not a to do list to deal with every time you log in to the app.
Just not interested in the topic of conversation? Change it. Morph it into something you would like to talk about. And if that ends up not being enough and you want to go separate ways, be fair and say so.
3. Complaining about your online dating experience
We have all had a rough year and 2021 looks like it’s bringing its share of fun to the party. Everyone is struggling in some way. The last thing people want to see when they log in to their online dating app is unhappy people.
What if you are feeling unhappy? Dig deep. Find the parts of your life that bring joy and talk about them. Look at the good in your life and bring that to the surface. Look into your future and ask yourself what you hope things will look like and focus on that.
I’ve heard people say that if you smile, even if you’re not feeling happy, it will lift your spirits. Just like complimenting people will give you a little natural boost.
Let others see the goodness in you. Show them the things you hope for and the dreams that you can still achieve. The world needs more positivity and online dating apps are no exception.
4.Ghosting other online dating users
Ghosting is the act of completely stopping all communication with someone without prior notice, typically with a romantic partner. And it is never ok.
Regardless of your reasons, abruptly ending conversations or relationships with no warning or explanation is incredibly rude and hurtful.
Read more: Is It Ever Okay To Ghost Someone?
People who are communicating with you are putting a level of trust in you. Trust to be sincere and trust to be an active partner in the conversation. When you just leave without a trace of why, the person left behind can struggle with the why and what happened.
Not only is ghosting mean, to put it bluntly, but it can hurt your online dating presence. Treat others as you would want to be treated is not a golden rule reserved for in person dating. It extends to the internet, and all the people on it, too.
5. Spamming someone’s inbox
You’re excited, I get it. You’ve met someone that you really click with and if you could, you’d spend hours talking each day. But, with meeting new people and the inevitable excitement that comes with it, it is important to remember temperance.
Keeping communication going is great, but asking them several times a day how they are doing when they haven’t responded to your initial message isn’t a great idea.
Let’s say you send a message that doesn’t get answered all morning. Is it okay to send one more in the afternoon just to remind them that you’re there and waiting to hear back? Sure. But leave it at that. Give the other person a chance to circle back without feeling like they are being hounded.
Chances are they will be excited to respond and then get a conversation going in which you can both actively take part. Just make sure you give them the chance!
Out with the bad and in with the good
Each year when Lent rolls around, I’m always caught off guard at how good it feels to give things up. To purge the not so great things out of my life and take on good ones that bring me closer to God and strengthen my relationships.
Your online dating life is a great place to focus on clearing up this Lent. Seeing as this is the place where the rest of your life may be hanging in the balance, make sure you’re giving it the time and care it deserves.
Weed out a few of these bad habits and you’ll be on your way to claiming a good and holy dating life risen to a better place.