Why I’m Still Single

Why I'm Still Single

I run into people who are single and rather not be. I feel you. But they have all these reasons for not being able to find – for lack of a better term – a soulmate.
There’s the “Chivalry is dead” rant which says that all guys are losers except for the ones in the movies and the Pope.
The “All the girls are high maintenance” explanation about how girls today have impossible expectations.

In other words, the whole dating market is in recession. That’s why we’re still single.

There’s another that’s my favorite. It’s the “God will send me someone” blog. I’m just waiting, someone, like a second Messiah – but one who is more witty, funnier and a little richer than Jesus…I’m sure of it, he’s going to come. God is going to fulfill my romance fantasies.

That could be true but remember God also has to get a match for the recently-escaped-from-slavery Sudanese girl who is just looking for someone faithful and loving; and also someone for the double amputee, triple disability war veteran content with someone caring and thoughtful; so your shopping list of eighty-two and a half things you need in a perfect match just may not be His top priority. Of course, that doesn’t mean it can’t happen.

However, I think you’ll have a much better chance at getting God’s attention if the single life lament went something like this, “Yeah, I’m single and it’s kind of my fault. I have this awkward way of approaching girls. It creeps them out. I’m working on it though.”

Or try, “I haven’t attracted Mr. Perfect because I’m way too strongly opinionated about things that don’t really matter. I’m working on being more flexible though.” I will eat the keyboard I’m typing on the day I hear that.

No, instead it’s: “He gave up after only seven unanswered calls. He must not have been into me; I mean it just wasn’t meant to be. God will send me someone.”

At this point I ask, “Where is the R&D department for relationships?” Apple has R&D (research & development) and they just make cell phones. R&D are the guys who say, “Hey look, our sales floor isn’t so busy, we’re not attracting new customers, the people we do attract aren’t the kind we’re looking for. They’re just immature kids who like playing with the phones but never buy. Let’s go to the backroom and see what we can improve.” They research how to improve their iPhone, develop the 5s and sell about 6 million more units.

That means less time people watching from the window and more time looking in the mirror and asking, “Am I the best me possible?” Then, improve something. Become a little less judgmental, a tiny bit more accepting. Read a book on how to listen. Heck, do a Luminosity exercise.

I’m trying to imagine a world in which people improve as quickly as cell phones. You run into someone you haven’t seen in 6 months, “Wow, you’re different! You don’t talk about your job all the time,” or, “You call me to say ‘thanks’ when I take you out.” I have a hard time believing everyone would still be single.

So option one is you could wait and see if God will send that perfect someone in a sense of relationship justice. However, if you believe that God helps with Providence those who make the best of their humanity, then, you can do what Apple does and go back to R&D. Research yourself, develop yourself. You’ll find a buyer. If I’m still single at 45 and unhappy about it, I’ll be demanding explanations of the guy in the mirror, not the guy on the cross.