Dating, adulthood, Catholicism, and life can all be tough sometimes. But often, the Lord invites us into seasons of suffering in order to help us become more perfect version of ourselves here on earth. But even with that invitation, it can be a huge challenge to turn our vision from obstacles to opportunity.
Luckily, the universality of Catholicism means we’re not left to our own devices or ideas when it comes to dealing with the hard stuff. .
We can lean on the saints (who struggled just like us!) to help us understand the purpose of suffering in our lives. Here are four lessons the saints teach us about suffering.
1. Suffering is saintly
“All the science of the saints is included in these two things: To do, and to suffer. And whoever had done these two things best, has made himself most saintly.” (Saint Francis de Sales)
For a long, long time, I genuinely believed that if we were good and followed the rules that we would not see suffering.
I’m the type of person who sees a lot of things in black and white. It made sense to me that if I did good things, good things would happen to me.
But then I noticed something strange. Most of the people I regarded as holy, faithful, and good actually had pretty difficult lives, populated with trouble.
Their ability to interact with difficult situations and struggles in a wholesome way helped them become holy and good. They let the Lord sharpen their faith through every trial that they came across, instead of using them as opportunities to give up on God.
2. Suffering is loving
“Love consists not in feeling great things but in having great detachment and in suffering for the Beloved.” (Saint John of the Cross)
We were created for love. When we think of love through a modern lens, we picture commitment, dedication, sweetness, and joyful moments. It’s much more uncomfortable to think of the moments where love means pain.
But the most real and pure definition of love that we have is Christ on the cross—the polar opposite of flower bouquets and chocolates. Christ’s love is real because it is painful.
This means that our suffering is a very small invitation from the Lord to participate in that level of love.
We are invited to love not only when it is easy, or when we are finding peace in the path. Instead, we are also invited to love when it is literally all we have left to give, and the only thing we have left to lean on.
In these moments, the love we have for our Heavenly father is made even more powerful, since he gives us the gift of watching him come through for us. He may not come through in the ways we wanted, but no matter what, the core of the solution is the presence of the Lord.
3. Suffering is essential
“When it is all over you will not regret having suffered; rather you will regret having suffered so little, and suffered that little so badly.” (Saint Sebastian Valfre)
What a strange concept to think that we’ll suffer when we reflect on how little we suffered! Yet that’s what St. Sebastian is saying. The saints value suffering so greatly that to not suffer is regarded as wasted potential.
My younger sister is the bravest person I know. She also runs into more trouble than anyone I know. She once asked me how I manage to essentially stay out of conflict. After I thought hard about that, I realized it’s because she tries more. It’s impossible to get reactions when there aren’t any actions in the first place.
By living, trying, and showing up, my sister is leading a beautiful life. For as many obstacles as she’s overcome, she’s had just as many joys and wonderful things happen too.
The same can be said of suffering and saintliness, I think. The saints understand that to suffer means saying yes to whatever the Lord has in store. That is a powerful revelation.
4. Suffering is formative
“Don’t waste your suffering!” (Saint Pope John Paul II)
The bottom line is that we are called to suffer as an important part of our spiritual journey. When we suffer, we draw near to the Lord in a way that differs greatly from a joyful embrace.
My old mentor, Father Bill, used to preach loud and proud about his struggle with alcoholism—and about his powerful reversion to sobriety and the priesthood.
He always told myself and the other members of the Catholic community on our college campus that if we didn’t share our suffering, it was in vain. When we share our suffering, other people will be able to see that God is a God who loves and rescues.
If we deny our suffering or let our struggles keep us from connecting with other people, we are shirking God’s plan.
We don’t get to pick and choose the good assignments in this life. The Lord will use us graciously so long as our hearts are willing to faithfully take whatever suffering comes our way.
