5 Double Standards We Need to Reject When It Comes to Online Dating
Do you ever wonder why there are still so many doubles standards when it comes to men and women? You would think that at least when it comes to online dating and new digital platforms, we’d have solved the double standard issues.
We’re older, wiser, and smarter about the way we interact with each other, right?
Not according to many singles who are navigating the waters of online dating at the moment.
Who is at fault? It turns out both men and women are to blame.
Studies show that while there may be two very different genders, they are generally looking for the same thing. Both men and women want to feel connected, loved and cared for. This can be hard to achieve when one gender in particular isn’t pulling their own weight.
So, what are these double standards? More importantly, how to we take them down? Here are few areas of double standards for men and women when it comes to online dating (and how to combat them!).
Initiating a conversation or date
Even though online dating has leveled the playing field for women to reach out to men and initiate a conversation, many women still expect a man to take the lead. While this may seem noble in an old fashioned sort of way, it’s really not. If we’re technologically advanced enough for online dating, we’re modern enough for women to make the first move.
Studies show that the trend of men initiating a conversation is changing. Men aren’t the only ones that should be reaching out.
If you’re a woman and you’re frustrated with the lack of conversation in your online dating experience, you can send a few messages yourself.
Men and women who both feel comfortable making the first move or taking the first step often have a great ability to smoothly navigate a relationship together.
Dating someone younger
A study based out of Oregon revealed that an alarming 97% of men only want to date younger women. Check out this breakdown:
73% of the men will date a woman 15+ years younger, but only 1% will date a woman 15+ years older.
85% of the men will date a woman 10 years younger, but only 9% will date a woman 10 years older.
98% of the men will date a woman 5 years younger, but only 34% will date a woman 5 years older.
So what happens when a woman wants to date a man her age? What if she doesn’t want to build a relationship with an older man? Maybe she’s interested in someone younger?
Double standards prevent her from having a chance once her age is viewed on her profile.
Men and women run into the same problems. Flat tires, sickness, and circumstances that just happen.
If a man cancels a date, it doesn’t mean that he has ulterior motives or doesn’t care. If a woman cancels a date, she shouldn’t be told she never should have initiated.
Those of us with online dating profiles need to be a little more forgiving if a date is canceled.
Online dating or not, a man’s feelings are just as real as a woman’s and should be respected. Just because he’s the one that cancels a date doesn’t mean he has ulterior motives or doesn’t care.
We need to accept the fact that life throws lemons at us and dates are going to get canceled.
On the other hand, men and women both need to be responsible and respectful enough not to break the dates if it’s not an emergency or illness.
Stopping the communication
I can’t tell you how many of my girl friends have complained about the fact guys will be messaging one day and then mute the next. The crazy part? They leave with no explanation.
If you’re going to communicate enough to build a friendship, don’t just walk away. If things aren’t clinking, or if things change, let her know.
Why are women expected to have the decency to explain before moving on, but not men? You don’t need to apologize, but you should be polite and say something.
If you want to sever communication, do so mutually. Clue each other in. Regardless of how different they are, men and women both get hurt.
It should never be okay for someone to bow out without saying why. You wouldn’t do it in person, so don’t do it online.
Pursuing something more
Online dating wasn’t created just to pair together pen pals. Once an interest is blooming, things should be taken to the next level. That move shouldn’t always fall on the man.
It should go both ways. But when it comes to double standards for men and women and online dating, this here is a big one.
If you’re an adult single and looking for love online, chances are you’re wanting to get serious. So, when you’ve made contact and things are amiable, the natural next step is to continue.
Just like men shouldn’t be the only ones initiating a conversation, they shouldn’t be the only ones expressing interest in wanting to take things deeper.
When you’ve been talking for a while and are feeling ready to move things on, move things on! Guy or girl, there is no reason not to.
Don’t quite know how to ask him for more? How about throwing him a softball? A gentle nudge of sorts to let him know you’re definitely interested in going offline if he is too.
Time to ditch the double standards
Online dating is truly a gift to singles all over the world. But as with everything, it has it’s downsides. When you date in person you’ll find a lot of double standards and it’s the same story on the web. Men and women aren’t always treated equally, and it would be nice if we can change that.
Let’s get back to the basics and just get to know each other. Be respectful, but don’t be afraid to reach out of your comfort zone. Don’t do something to someone that you wouldn’t want done to you.
Online dating brings so much joy to men and women everywhere.
To keep things moving smoothly, let’s work on setting standards we all can keep.
Cassi Villanueva is a freelance writer and contributing blogger at Catholic Singles. Born and raised in the south, when she's not writing, she can be found spending time with her husband and four children in the northern suburbs of Atlanta, GA.