Not Getting Messages? Here Are 5 Things to Try If You Feel Like Giving up on Online Dating
Are you not getting the kind of messages you were hoping for when you made an online dating profile on a Catholic dating site like Catholic Singles? Maybe your messages are never returned, or perhaps people aren’t intentional when they do respond to you.
Not getting messages is one of the most frustrating parts of online Catholic dating. From my own friends and other Catholic singles I know, this is one of the hard things that can often cause people to just give up on online dating.
But, wait! Don’t cancel your Catholic Singles account yet. Let’s dive into this a bit more, and see what other factors are at work here.
Here are a few ideas to help increase the number of messages and/or the quality of messages you get.
1. Are you open to a long distance relationship?
Although I’ve never been in a long distance relationship before, when I used online dating as a Catholic single, I never closed myself off to the possibility of it.
If you’re not getting messages on online dating sites, seriously consider opening up your search to include the possibility of a long distance relationship. This adjustment opens up more opportunities to connect with and meet more people.
You may not end up hitting it off or dating someone who lives miles and miles away. But don’t totally close yourself unnecessarily to the idea of a long distance relationship. Widening your amount of distance could bring people into your life you never otherwise would have met.
2. Consider sending a message to someone who was married before
The first time I ever used a Catholic dating site, I remember thinking I was not open to anyone who had been married before. It’s been five and a half years since then, and I’ve experienced a divorce and annulment myself.
Knowing my vocation is marriage, I wanted to be open to the realistic possibility that maybe the man I would end up with had a similar story to my own experience. It’s true that dating someone who has been married before can add a level of complexity, especially if you date someone who has children from a previous marriage. But be open to seeing past a man or woman’s previous relationship or marriage.
Don’t write someone off without ever connecting with them and getting to know them. Give people the benefit of the doubt. I have had some men let me know they are not interested in getting to know me because I was previously married. However, I have experienced men who saw past my first marriage and saw me for me. For myself, reminding myself of being open to someone else’s experience widens the pool of people to connect with.
3. Send out a certain number of messages each week
When I was a Catholic single, I had a goal of sending out a certain number of new messages to different men each week. As someone who knows her vocation is marriage and desires that in life, I wanted to know I was living the balance of being open and putting myself out there in the dating world.
Most nights after work I gave myself a certain amount of time (about an hour) to read profiles, send messages, or swipe left or right. This made me feel like I was actually doing something tangible to help myself meet and date men, but also not become overly obsessed about having a partner in life. I had a challenge to send a certain number of messages to new guys each week. For me that number was ten. However, for you it might be different.
Find what that good number is for you. Challenge yourself! For me, learning to challenge myself has been helpful in a lot of ways. Maybe you will be surprised by this in your own Catholic dating life, too!
4. Update your profile frequently
Take time to regularly update your profile: pictures, introduction statement and bio. Reworking your account from time to time will give it a fresh look and feel. Showcasing your latest adventure or pictures from the family birthday party will be a simple way you can work with what you have.
Remember your profile is someone’s first encounter with you. Put your best foot forward, and don’t treat your profile like a one-time project. Come back to it once a month or every other month. Be on the lookout for how you can update things a bit.
5. Consider the age range you said you’re interested in
Now I am not saying you have to be open to an almost 20 year age difference like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had!
Be open to playing around a bit with the age range of men or women you are interested in. Obviously feel comfortable and know what feels right for you, but maybe widening the age range can help.
Don’t write someone off who is a bit younger or older than you. Then again, you might be pleasantly surprised by this person. In my own experience, I have a range that feels comfortable for me. However, there have been a handful of times I widened the range to see if it brings in any new faces I might like to get to know more.
There can be a handful of reasons why someone may not respond to your message or suddenly stop messaging you. At the end of the day, it is important to remember the only person you can control and change is you; so think about what you can do on your end. Focus on that, then do that well!
What has helped or worked for you when sometimes you are not getting messages?