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Are You Your Own Worst Enemy When It Comes to Dating?

Last modified: September 9, 2019 Avatar for Adrienne ThorneBy Adrienne Thorne
Are You Your Own Worst Enemy When It Comes to Dating?

Most singles would probably agree that dating isn’t easy.

Even those who have already found that someone special in their lives would probably concur that the path to finding that someone special wasn’t exactly a piece of cake.

There can be a lot of different life circumstances that can add up to make this journey a difficult one. But there can also be various aspects of our own personality or habits that can get in the way at times.

Are you doing all you can to make dating simple for yourself? Or are you actually your own worst enemy when it comes to your attempts to find that special someone?

Here are three areas to look at if you think you might be falling into the trap of making things even more difficult for yourself.

What are your ideals and standards for a date?

uncomfortable date

All of us have ideals when it comes to people we are interested in dating.

But it might be helpful to recognize that it’s not absolutely necessary for each and every one of these ideals to be met in a prospective date. It’s also important to recognize that dating someone who doesn’t meet your every ideal might actually surprise you.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have standards in a date, though.

It’s a good idea to have some thoughts on the minimum requirements, some basic non-negotiable qualities that you know would be best for a future relationship with someone.

Perhaps you know you want to date a practicing Catholic. You want to date someone you can share your faith with, someone who would be on board with raising children in the faith if you were to eventually get married.

This is a great standard to have, and pursuing only those who fit it makes sense.

There are other standards that might make sense for particular people too. Maybe if you know from past experience that you do poorly in long-distance relationships, or that dating people with a certain personality trait does not fit well.

But while some standards like these make sense to pursue, our ideals or “best case scenario” qualities for the type of person we would like to date should probably not be hard and fast.

Perhaps you are more strongly attracted to those of certain physical characteristics. Or you think you would rather only date people younger than you.

Preferences like these are fine, but if you start holding on too strongly to preferences that aren’t actually all that important, you can really begin to limit your options.

Are you open to trying new things?

uncomfortable date

Some of us are pretty set in our ways.

In most aspects of our life, this isn’t usually a big deal.

But in dating, it can be pretty limiting.

Just like it can be a good idea to be open to dating people who might fall outside of our typical preferences, it can also be pretty helpful to be willing to try new things.

If you say there just don’t seem to be any opportunities to meet people whom you could potentially date, but you also aren’t willing to go out and try new things, you’re acting like your own worst enemy.

Do you hesitate to go to social events at your parish? Do you balk when a friend suggests setting you up with someone? Have you put much effort into online dating?

Things like this can be very intimidating, so you’ve definitely got an excuse if you don’t always jump to try something new.

But if you’re hesitant to put yourself out there, you’re certainly not helping your chances of meeting that someone special.

Are you waiting for someone else to make the first move?

woman waiting for someone

Another area where you could be hurting your own chances of success in dating is if you always wait for someone else to make the first move.

Maybe you do meet someone who interests you from time to time, but it just never seems to go somewhere. Why does this happen? Is it because there really wasn’t a substantial enough spark, or are you being too timid?

It can be intimidating to ask someone out, or even to signal clearly to someone else that you’re romantically interested in them.

But if you find yourself frequently giving into this intimidation and waiting around for the person you’re interested in to do the hard part, you’re not setting yourself up for success.

If you want to increase your chance of finding someone you can share your life with, you have to take a risk every now and then.

It won’t always be pleasant. But even if you do fail and end up feeling dumb or embarrassed, at least you will know that you’re doing all you can to reach your goal of finding a partner to share your life with.

Avatar for Adrienne Thorne

Adrienne Thorne is a Catholic wife, mother, screenwriter, and blogger, as well as author of the Catholic YA romance novel SYDNEY AND CALVIN HAVE A BABY. She blogs about TV and Movies from Catholic perspective at Thorne in the Flesh: A Faithful Catholic's Guide to Netflix, Hulu, and More.

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