Dear Michele,I am a widow, reasonably attractive, healthy and financially sound. While I enjoy many interests and have never been afraid to do things on my own, it is more enjoyable to share the ups and downs of life with another. My question is this. Since statistically women tend to live longer than men (though that is changing) why is it that men are interested almost exclusively in women 5-10 years younger? Are they looking for a “nurse or a purse”? Are they afraid they cannot meet the expectations of someone closer to their own age intellectually? Will younger women enhance their ego? All of the above? If they were realistic, they would seek someone at least 5-7 years older than they are who is in good health, so that they could enjoy companionship with someone who has had similar life experiences. Any insights?
Signed,
Pretty Lady
Dear Pretty Lady,
You have pointed out an issue that I hear a lot about from our female members. And I must admit, I have noticed that men on the site do tend to say that they are looking for a woman who is younger. And then, I get emails from men wondering why they can’t meet anyone on this site, and then I realize they are looking for women that are almost 25 years younger!
First, let’s start with the point that every person has the right to seek out the type of mate that they desire. If someone wants to look for a younger, taller, more attractive, richer, etc. person to date, then they are free to make that choice. It may keep them single longer, and less happy once they are in a relationship, but we each get to make our own determination.
With that said, then there can be a multiple of reasons why men look for a younger woman, although I am sure that there are some women looking for younger men. Being with someone who is younger is one way to “hold on to” our own youth. This can be an ego boost to a person that may be insecure. Or, a man may find women his own age too pushy when it comes to a timeline getting married, or too involved in their own life to make room for a partner. It’s hard to say, because it’s different with each individual. We do have a cultural norm (although it is changing) that the man should be older than the women, even if by a year or two.
So I would like to throw out a question to our male members: if you have chosen to list an age range younger than your own age, email me and tell me why. All screen names will be kept anonymous. And here’s a challenge for you: try changing the age range on your profile. You may meet the perfect person for you, who just happened to be born two, four, or ten years earlier. Email me and let me know what happens. If the ladies on this site need some feedback, be honest and straightforward. Again, no one will know it’s coming from you.
Pretty Lady, it sounds like you are clear on who you are and what you are looking for. And so, you have the right to ignore those men that are looking at much younger women and search for the man that is looking for someone within your age group. Remember to keep your dating life aligned with your faith life, and look first to God for discernment and direction. And then, it’s likely you may just find that right guy who is mature enough to want to be with a confident and secure woman like yourself.
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
