Dear Michele:I am a 59-year-old man who is trying the on-line dating thing for the first time. I am a man who is looking for a friend, companion, and lover with the hopes of leading to marriage. I am seeking a full relationship! I am willing to accept friendship at first for however long it takes for a woman to feel comfortable with me. Is my attitude wrong going into this? I mean, is it unreasonable for me to expect that more should come later?
Signed,
First-Timer
Dear First-Timer,
Welcome to your first online dating community! You’ve landed in the right place. This is where your faith life and your dating life come together. Not only do you have the right attitude, but also your intentions are clear and focused. Knowing what is important to you and how your values line up with your dating is the best first step in “getting out there.” You do not know how many women email me looking for a man with just your perspective! See ladies, they are out there!
Do not let anyone tell you that it is unreasonable for you to want a relationship that leads to marriage. That is what dating is for! God did not design us to simply hook-up with whatever is easy, and then move on to the next hook-up when things get too hard. We are made to be bound together for a lifetime, that is why our heart aches so much when relationships fall apart. What you are embarking on is the art of courting-dating with the intention towards marriage. The art of courting has been lost, and I believe it’s one reason we have so many divorces and annulments today.
A few important points. Taking your time is important. There is always enough time to find the right person. Don’t feel as if you have to jump right in. The compassionate love you are looking for is built through friendship. It’s also the type of love that lasts. Secondly, be sure to express your intentions somewhat early in the dating process. I don’t mean tell a woman to want to marry HER on the second date, but let it be known that you are looking for a permanent relationship. This clears the air for anyone that is just looking for friendship or someone who simply doesn’t want to get married or married again.
I’m excited for you! Remember to enjoy the journey. You may meet some amazing people and hear some incredible life stories, even if that person isn’t “the one.” You may even learn a few new things about yourself. But don’t loose your priorities – always bring your dating life under the guidance of your spiritual life. Never compromise your faith or values just to be with someone. Look towards God to help guide you to the mate he has selected for you, and remember to see each person through His eyes –made in His image, a person of beauty (no matter what shape, size, age, or ability) with inherent dignity and worth.
Good luck and God bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
