Dear Michele, I’ve just joined and have been reading your responses. They are right on!! I think I am finally believing in myself and trusting that I deserve the best. I am looking for a soul mate and I will not settle. In one of your earlier posts, you said to keep your heart open to things that you may not normally put on your “list” of attributes. When do you know if you are asking for too much? When is it too many restrictions? Or, should I just be more patient and keep moving in my direction of staying true to myself and waiting for a guy who will truly match my expectation and see what happens? Or is the truth somewhere in the middle?
Thanks,
S.R.
Dear S.R.
Thanks so much for your note. I am excited to hear that you have the confidence in yourself and are learning how to trust your choices. A friend who was going through a divorce once told me: “There is always enough time to find the right person.” Taking the time to find the right fit is such a gift to yourself and to your future relationship.
Finding that balance between your requirements for a relationship and making sure you are available enough to meet someone is a process that takes discernment, both privately and with input from others that you trust. But in the end, it’s an internal gauge, one that requires that you do your own gut check. Here’s one way to do that check: if your attributes are based on character, things like integrity, authenticity, honesty, following through, then they are never too high. If your attributes are about physical characteristics, financial status, or a certain background, then it may be too narrow.
You can never go wrong by staying true to yourself, as long as you have taken the time to really formulate your values and learned to accept and celebrate who you are. And it sounds like you have! You can use your level of anxiety or feeling of uneasiness as a gauge. If being with someone makes you worried about their intentions, or concerned that you can’t trust him, questioning if your values and faith commitment align, or even worried that you are not attracted enough to him, then that may be a sign that you are stepping away from your true self. If the relationship brings you peace, a sense of quiet contentment, and brings you closer to your faith and supports your relationship with Christ and the Church, then you’ve got some great signs that things are headed in the right direction.
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
