I’ve received several questions about dating when one partner is divorced and the teachings of the Catholic church. As with all decisions that affect dating, it is, in the end, a personal choice. It may be helpful in making that choice to understand what the church teaches and why. If a person is divorced and had been married in a civil or religious service that is recognized by the Catholic church, and that person was Catholic at the time, then in order to be free to marry within the church, he or she must receive an annulment. Normally, this is indicated on a person’s profile. If an individual has been divorced but does not indicate “free to marry within the Church,” then it’s likely that they are not seeking an annulment, they are in the process, or they have been denied an annulment. In these cases, the individual is still considered married by the Church. The Church considers a civil divorce the same as a legal separation. Dating, strictly speaking, would not be appropriate. However, building social relationships and friendships is always an option. Maturity, both in terms of relationships and spirituality, should be employed. Once an annulment is granted, then the party is free to date. In terms of receiving the sacraments, if a divorced Catholic maintains a life of chastity (as other singles are also called to do), and otherwise remain in a state of grace (as all other Catholics are call to do), he or she may receive communion. The Catholic Church does recognize that there are situations where a civil divorce may be the only way to protect the family. If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense” (CCC 2383). However, civil divorce will not dissolve the marriage. The parties are not free to marry until an annulment has been granted.
If you are wondering where Catholic get the idea that marriage is meant to be permanent, we only have to look to the words of Christ. “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12). So what exactly is an annulment? An annulment is not a finding that the two former spouses never really loved each other, nor does it conclude that the divorce was more one side’s fault than the other’s, or that one party is a better Catholic than the other, and so on. An annulment does not make any children illegitimate. The church recognizes that if at least one party was participating in good faith in the marriage at the time, then the children were born under that bond. An annulment is only a determination of one or more of the following: that, at the time of the wedding, one or both parties to the marriage lacked sufficient capacity for marriage; that one or both parties failed to give their consent to marriage as the Church understands and proclaims it; and, in weddings involving at least one Catholic, that the parties violated the Church’s requirements of canonical form in getting married. In practical terms, after nullity is declared-if it is declared-the Catholic Church considers the parties free of the marriage bond that would have otherwise arisen.
The Church, like Christ, opens her door and her heart to all followers. No one can escape the challenges of living in a fallen world. Each of us brings our pain and struggles into our faith. Being divorced and Catholic is certainly one of those struggles, and even though cannon law can be black and white, hearts are not. As with all matters relating to the heart and faith, prayer and counsel with a clergy member are always great resources to help you discern the right path for you.
