Dear Michele, I found someone on the website I am interested in. I’m pretty new to online dating and I’d like to send this woman an e-mail. I just wondered if there are any guidelines for the length of the first email? I typed up a draft, but it looks rather long (three small paragraphs). I just don’t want to overwhelm the girl and by the same token jeopardize my chances at any future communication. If you’ve got any words of advice that you could share I’d appreciate it.
Signed,
Need Some Help
Dear Need Some Help,
Welcome to the online dating world! And yes, there are some new protocols, and then of course some things that are just personal preferences.
As far as the first email, I’d say go with your gut and keep it short and sweet. Remember, your profile is available for the person to read, so there is no danger of not having enough information available. Friendly and easy-going is the “vibe” you want to communicate. You may want to say what attracted to you this person, assuming of course it was something in their profile. I’d keep the focus off of the physical (like saying how beautiful their body is .. wrong approach!). If you think you are a good match for her, then mention why. You may have similar interests, backgrounds, family structure, or the way you practice your faith.
In closing, I would open the door for her to respond, basically leaving the next step “in her court.” The website works, so you know she will receive the message. Follow-up messages are more of a personal preference. Some people like to check in again afer some time has passed. But, I wouldn’t send more than one follow-up. So, if you don’t hear back, you can assume that she wasn’t interested.
Thanks for checking in on this question, it shows that you are aware of your approach and that you want to show respect to the women you are contacting. Remember to be yourself, be honest, and keep God in the process!
Good luck!
Michele Fleming, M.A.
