Online Dating Burning You Out? 5 Things to Do Today
For the past seven years, Match releases a survey, Singles in America, that shows the emotions and thoughts going through the minds of singles in the United States. Last year, the survey revealed that 54% of women currently feel exhausted by modern dating. That means more women are feeling burnout about online dating than women who are excited about their romance lives!
What are symptoms of dating fatigue and burnout? See if any of the following apply to how you feel about dating:
- You don’t feel like returning any messages on your online dating platform
- You’ve resigned that you’ll never find someone who loves you and that you’ll be lonely forever
- You have no desire to travel very far for a first date
- Often, you’re bored on dates
- Friends have heard you say that you’d rather be single than continue to date
- You’ve grown increasingly negative about the subject of love
1. Don’t waste the bad dates
If you’ve been on quite a few bad dates recently, it may seem like your time and effort were a total waste of time. But those awful dates aren’t a waste at all! If the dating scene is wearing you out, take time to reflect back on the dates you’ve been on recently. No, this doesn’t mean critiquing your date for that awful choice of suit jacket or the way she couldn’t stop talking about herself. Instead, think about what you didn’t like the evening. What kept you from enjoying your time during the date?
Spending time in self-reflection (and prayer!) will allow you a space to fine-tune your desires and hopes for a good date. Without that time of reflection, it’s easy to spiral into a habit of lazy dating. Take time to think about what you’re looking for in a good date and don’t be afraid to share those desires with your next date!
2. Don’t just rely on your phone
Meeting someone online is awesome – we’re a huge proponent of it here at Catholic Singles! But the internet isn’t the only place to find love and good conversation. It sounds old fashioned in today’s world of technology, but don’t rule out meeting people in a more traditional way even if you’ve filled out your online dating profile.
Instead of spending the day glued to your inbox, seeing if the person you messaged is going to respond, spend time getting to know people in real life and doing things you love. If you’re feeling burnt out by the dating scene, spend time doing things that you personally enjoy. Hobbies are a great source of stress relief! Don’t know which hobby to turn to, or looking for something new? Try one of these seven unusual hobbies and start becoming your best self today.
3. Consider taking a break
If you find yourself experiencing dating fatigue, don’t be afraid to take a break from dating for a while. Logging onto your online dating profile should be something that you want to do, not something you feel the pressure to do.
On a larger scale, feeling burnt out when it comes to the dating scene can lead to resenting dating altogether. Constantly being on the defense and being suspicious of a good date isn’t a great way to start a relationship, either. If you’re worn out and not able to be your best self with those you meet online, log off for a little while. Your profile will still be here when you log back in!
4. Reconsider your ‘type’
Do you have a mental list of everything you want to find in the person you date? If you’re feeling burnt out by dating, it may be time to take a second look at that list. First dates with people you’ve met online (or in real life!) provide a great opportunity to meet someone new – someone you may not even consider your ‘type’.
So get out of your comfort zone and ask out that girl who says she’s a passionate cat person, even though you’re a die-hard dog person. Say yes to coffee with the guy who loves sharing what he knows about mountain climbing, even though you’re more of a movie and dinner kind of girl. You may be pleasantly surprised by a great date full of unique conversations. Even if the date doesn’t lead to a second date, you’ll have learned something new. This by no means saying that you should force yourself into dating situations that make you feel unsafe. But you shouldn’t be afraid of trying something outside your comfort zone every once in a while!
5. Check where your self-worth is
Where have you been putting your self-worth lately? It’s tempting (and easy!) to put your self-worth in how many people have messaged you, returned your messages, viewed your profile, or asked you out on a date. But you shouldn’t put your self-worth in any of those places.
“When we start being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth,” writes Henri Nouwen in his book Out of Solitude. “Before we are fully aware of it, we have sold our soul to the many grade-givers. That means we are not only in the world, but also of the world. Then we become what the world makes us. We are intelligent because someone gives us a high grade. We’re helpful because someone says thanks. We are likable because someone likes us. And we are important because someone considers us indispensable. In short, we are worthwhile because we have successes. And the more we allow our accomplishments — the results of our actions — to become the criteria of our self-esteem, the more we are going to walk on our mental and spiritual toes, never sure if we will be able to live up to the expectations which we created by our last successes. In many people’s lives, there is a nearly diabolic chain in which their anxieties grow according to their successes.”
Your self-worth should be rooted in something much more stable and consistent – the knowledge that you are God’s beloved. He doesn’t see you as any more or less lovable based on your relationship status or number of dates this week. If you’re feeling burnt out by the dating scene, spend time this week in Eucharistic adoration and ask the Lord to show you that you are His beloved.
Chloe Langr is a very short stay-at-home-wife, whose growth has probably been stunted by the inhumane amounts of coffee she regularly consumes. When she is not buried in a growing stack of books, she can be found spending time with her husband, geeking out over Theology of the Body, or podcasting. You can find more about her on her blog "Old Fashioned Girl."