You completed your online dating profile, answered a few poll questions, and filled out our compatibility quiz. But now you’re feeling nervous about sending the first message. What do you say? Should you be the first one to reach out? What if the person you’re interested in never responds?
Or, maybe you’ve sent the first message, and things are going wonderfully. How do you ask someone out on the first date, and take things off the screen? All of these questions could leave you feeling like your head is spinning. Even though online dating makes it easier than ever to connect with men and women, you may be dealing with a lot of unexpected stress and nerves as a Catholic single on an online dating site.
Looking for unique ways to combat online dating nerves as a Catholic single? Look no further! Here are our top five tips for calming down if you’re nervous about sending an online dating message or asking someone out on a date.
1. Realize that it’s normal to be nervous
If you’re nervous about sending a message on an online dating site or asking someone out on a date, you’re not alone. Many people experience nervousness when interacting with other men and women on online dating platforms.
“For better and for worse, dating apps have become the new normal for dating. People no longer have to be vulnerable in person and approach strangers because they can use their phone to buffer a lot of the anxiety required to meet someone new,” Nicole Richardson licensed marriage and family therapist, told Elite Daily. “It’s really common to feel some anxiety around how to put yourself out there in a way that will attract what you are looking for in return.”
Knowing that you’re not the only one to go through this experience can be a relief. Read on to discover ways that you can find peace as you navigate the world of online dating, messages, and first dates.
2. Remind yourself of the reality of the situation
Sending someone an intentional message or asking them out to coffee means that you’re wanting to connect with them or get to know them better. It’s not a marriage proposal, it’s a message. It’s not a wedding ring, it’s a first date.
Putting this all in perspective can help if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the situation. “Stand back and observe and describe—don’t judge,” recommends Dr. Robert Leahy, a clinical professor of psychology. “We usually upset ourselves about our interpretations of events rather than what really happened. So write down what happened without your judgments. Then, think about how extreme your response may be to these simple events. Suspend judgment and just become an observer. By observing you detach. This reduces stress.”
If you find yourself overcome with stress about the message or the date, take Dr. Leahy’s advice and remind yourself of the reality of the situation.
3. Walk away from the screen for a while
If you find yourself obsessing about what to say in the first message, or how to ask someone out, take a deep breath and a step back from your phone or computer. Get outside of the house and take a walk around the neighborhood. Don’t forget to leave your phone behind, or at least silence notifications for a set amount of time.
According to Harvard research, exercise is proven to reduce levels of the body’s stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. When you get moving, you also stimulates the production of endorphins, chemicals in the brain that are the body’s natural painkillers and mood elevators.
4. Pray for the grace to surrender the outcome
Are you confused by worry, sleepless, and upset? It’s time to surrender the outcome of that first message or this first date to the Lord. He is trustworthy and desires rest for your heart.
“I perform miracles in proportion to your full surrender to me and to your not thinking of yourselves. I sow treasure troves of graces when you are in the deepest poverty,” read one of the prayers from the Novena of Surrender. Surrender your anxiety and stress to the Lord. Ask him to take care of everything. Want to dive deeper into prayers of surrender? You can find the full Novena of Surrender to the Will of God here!
5. Take care of yourself and your space
“Staying hydrated is a simple way to improve mental health. Studies show water facilitates the delivery of nutrients to the brain, removes toxins and inflammatory markers, and improves brain function,” recommends Linda Esposito, LCSW. She’s a psychotherapist dedicated to helping adults overcome stress and anxiety.
Another way to calm your nerves is to do a quick clean of your space. Is your work desk a little cluttered? Take some time to put things in their place. Even doing a little digital cleaning is helpful when it comes to coping with stress. Clean out your email inbox or do a little cleaning on your online dating profile!
Ready to send that first message? Trust your love story to the original Catholic dating site! Here at Catholic Singles, we connect you with other members through user polls and activities, because you’re a person, not a profile picture. Start connecting with other Catholic singles in less than ten minutes!
