As early as my preteen years, I remember thinking of Valentine’s Day as this big romantic event and feeling more than a little sad that I had no romantic possibilities on the horizon. I may have only been a kid, but I certainly recognized that everyone from TV characters to nearby grocery stores was making a big deal about the day as the most important time for romance and love.
It wasn’t until years later that I started to understand the roles that capitalism and marketing, and sometimes just plain silliness, play in hyping up the day. Is it all just a sham? A scheme of the greeting card and flower companies to make more money? A convenient plot device to see our favorite sitcom characters flounder, fight, and make up?
And most of all, a reason to be bitter, jealous, and lonely when we find the day roll around with no romance in sight for us? Yes, yes, and yes, but it can be more as well if we dive a little deeper.
Was There Actually a Saint Valentine?
The story I had always heard was that St. Valentine was a priest who lived in the early A.D. years and married Christian couples in secret since Christian marriage wasn’t legal in the pagan society and that this was where the tradition of celebrating love on his feast day came from. But you might notice if you whip out a liturgical calendar that St. Valentine’s feast day isn’t typically listed on February 14th anymore.
That’s because the Church determined that most of the legend surrounding him is unverifiable and not necessarily historical. Basically, it’s hard to say for sure whether he, in fact, did exist or not; similar to like St. Christopher, who may or may not be the stuff of legends. I have to think, though, that whether or not St. Valentine was real, it is a lovely thought to set aside a day particularly to celebrate love, in connection with the Christian concept of love and in relation to marriage.
But if we’re taking an honest look at the holiday as it tends to be seen these days, we’re not really in the realm of St. Valentine anymore. So as Catholics and as singles, there are a few ways we can look at the holiday.
Need we give in to the commercialization and see it as a day to give and receive lots of candy and flowers? No. Should we completely spurn the holiday as made up and ridiculous? I would say that that’s one option since we don’t know if the saint it’s based on is even real and society has kind of gone overboard with the whole thing in general.
I mean, we should be telling people we love them every day anyway, right? But for those of us who are still rather fond of the sentimentality of it all, we don’t necessarily have to toss it all aside. Even if the way it’s typically celebrated brings up some sore spots in our less-than-perfect love life, there are still some good options to celebrate the day ourselves.
There’s More Than One Kind of Love
If you haven’t found your life-mate yet and you’re not in a relationship, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have no love at all to celebrate in your life. Think about the friendships in your life that get you through the hard times. Sometimes it’s even our relationships with family members that mean the most.
Take today to let your close friends or your loving family members know you’re thinking of them. You could try a card or gift, or even just a phone call. Reaching out to those you love might just help you to feel a sense of belonging and connection, which can be a great antidote for any lonely feelings the holiday is dredging up.
Think about Others Who Might be Lonely
Most likely, there are certain friends or family members that come to mind instantly as your go-to people, those relationships that have always been close, the ones where you don’t even have to try very hard to feel like you have a strong bond.
But for most of us, there are also people in our lives with whom that bond doesn’t always come naturally, people who love us and want to spend time with us, but with whom it somehow doesn’t really happen that often. Try reaching out to someone like this in your life.
Maybe it’s a lonely grandparent you don’t get around to calling very much, or maybe a friend who’s been down in the dumps after going through a breakup. If you try to think of someone else who’s lonely today and put forth a bit of effort to reach out and connect, it will probably help you feel less lonely today as well.
Try Connecting with Love Himself
While we might be longing deeply to find the romantic love of our dreams, a natural desire that God has put in our hearts, that love will still only be a mirror of God’s love for us. And once we find that perfect romance, we will still long for more, because God also put into our hearts a desire for love that will never be fully satisfied except in a love with Him.
Maybe diving deeper into your relationship with God doesn’t sound that appealing right now; after all, He could make things better by sending along your future spouse about now, couldn’t He? As hard as it can be to keep from giving in to resentment toward Him, now is actually a great time to practice for your future marriage by loving Him when you don’t feel like it and when you don’t understand.
So try spending some time in Adoration, or reading Scripture. Try telling Him honestly about your disappointment and pain. Ask Him for strength and understanding. And try to have faith in His deep love for you and in the plan He has for your good.
