How Does Your Temperament Impact Your Love Life?

couple holding hands

When it comes to making a relationship work, one of the most important factors to consider is your temperament.

After all, you can take two incredibly devout and faithful people who long for the same things, put them together, and end up with a complete disaster if their personality types clash.

More than likely, you’ve taken a personality test or two in your lifetime. It’s important to not only know ourselves, but also the people in our lives. It’s easier to see what relationships work with ease and which ones won’t make it in the long run when you know about personality types and temperaments.

When it comes to your love life, it’s imperative to understand how your temperament and personality fit into the equation.

Here’s a quick look to help you gain a better understanding of the difference between temperaments and personalities, and how each impacts important relationships in your life.

What’s the difference between temperaments and personality types?

four temperaments

Fixed and unchangeable, your temperament is a style of feelings and way of processing emotions that you are born with. Believe it or not, researchers believe that your temperament began showing through when you were a baby.

Want to really delve into the specifics and origin of the temperaments? Take a look at the four temperaments outlined by Hippocrates in 450 BC. Hippocrates named each of the temperaments after the four humors in the body.

But don’t make the mistake of thinking that your temperament is the same as your personality type.

For starters, your personality is malleable. It can change according to your environment and how you are raised. While your temperament will almost always dictate your reaction to things, your personality will shift at different times as you develop and form ideas about life.

Both your temperament and personality make up the person you are. Maybe you have a laid back temperament, but find yourself seeking pleasure from going out with friends and being social. Chances are, your personality grew to accommodate your surroundings and those who have raised you.

A good friend of mine is one of the fiercest introverts I know. But when it comes to holidays and celebrations, she goes above and beyond to produce major events with a lot of people in attendance. Unlike the introvert who grew up in a quiet house, her family and friends came in and out of her house on every occasion there was.

Your relationship with others

having time with friends

There are many different personality types and each one of them interacts differently with others. While easy going people may get along with both laid back and high strung people, high strung people may have a harder time getting along with the person who takes life one day at a time.

It’s no surprise that introverts and may not get along with those who score higher on the extraversion scale.

How your temperament affects others shows right away when you come into this world. Your relationship with your parents and siblings, your friends, teachers, and extended family are all greatly impacted by what personality types you all have.

Maybe you grew up with a very orderly and stern mom. If you were more focused on going your social life than keeping your room and studies in order, chances are there was quite a bit of clashing that occurred.

In the same way, if you were the orderly type, you most likely thrived under the teacher who relied on students to have assignments completed neatly, correctly and turned in on time.

Our temperament affects the way we interact and impact people’s lives. So getting to know how and why we are the way we are is a great step at better understanding each other.

Your love life

love life

When it comes to your love life, your temperament, and that of your partner, plays a pivotal role. Maybe you’re as extroverted as they come, but your boyfriend prefers quiet nights for two at home. Your different goals for the evening may cause friction and take a lot of work to come to a compromise.

Is your girlfriend laid back, but you have strong opinions? When you want to sit down and have a heated discussion over politics or the latest changes to church teachings, she may prefer to just listen to your sentiments.

Or maybe you’re a perfectionist who thrives on order. What does it look like when , out of all the personality types out there, you fall for a person who looks like they live out of their car? It’s probably a good theory that there is going to be more than just a little tension in your relationship.

Our temperament is the essence of who we are. It only makes sense that it is going to strongly affect the most intimate parts of our lives.

Your relationship with God

speaking with God

Look no further than the Bible to get your fair share of personality types A-Z. No doubt you’ve heard of Martha and Mary, the sisters who loved Jesus so differently. They’re a great example of how our personality coincides with our relationship to the Lord.

Mary wanted to sit and listen to Jesus, to muse over his teachings and stories. Martha wanted to serve him by cleaning, preparing food, and physically taking care of him. Both showed tremendous love for him in very different ways.

Our relationship with God is affected by our temperament. The melancholic longs for the silent hour of adoration will lift his or her soul in incredible meditation. Meanwhile, the sanguine who can’t sit still will talk to God as she runs through the woods admiring his creation.

God knows and loves us as we are. It’s important to know and rest in that particular love that he carries for us. Don’t force yourself to be a Martha if your soul is at rest being a Mary.

Your relationship with yourself

sitting by the beach

To perfect your relationship with God, others, and to grow confidence in your love life, it’s important to realize that you constantly have to work on your own relationship with yourself. Taking the time to get to know what temperament you were born with and which of the personality types you are is a gift that will help you grow as an individual.

Once you grasp an understanding of your particular temperament, you’ll often be able to resolve internal issues that you struggle with, or at the least, understand them. You’ll be given the tools to work on strengthening not only your spiritual life, but your earthly life with those who surround you.

Understanding how and why we work, what makes us tick, and why others behave the way they do is an invaluable tool you can use to cultivate and nurture relationships of every kind.


All of the personality types in this world serve a unique purpose and it would be a boring, uneventful world if there weren’t so many of them. Thankfully we have the tools and ability to study and understand our temperaments and how they affect those around us.

Always strive to better know and understand yours and those of the ones you love. You’ll be amazed at how relationships flourish when you understand the why behind the who!

Want to know more about introversion, extraversion, and how researchers think psychological types impact your life? Check out our definitive guide to personality types!

    23 Apr 2019

    I so much like this post. I was almost gonna delete it from my mail list without reading, but as I saw the words “temperament” and “relationship”, I was curious to read it. Why was I? Hmn, about less than 6 weeks ago, I broke up with my potential wife on the basis of her temperament; each time we had any reason to iron out an issue, she almost always unconsciously lost her temperament and would keep scolding me while I patiently absorbed all. Interestingly, as we broke up, my Uncle had to set in and amended the issue for us. Well, I called her, we apologized to each other, and she agreed to having a weakness of that sort of anger. After that tension, I was determined to help her come out of her temperament shell, but I realized that it’s part of her; a fact well corroborated in the post above. No matter how hard I tried, it wasn’t just working out. I, being a more reserved person, felt it would be difficult to manage such if the relationship actually led to marriage. While I was still thinking of how we could adjust, another heavy blow of blasting and thornful words were rained down on me from her, just over a slight issue. At that point, I knew, at least humanly speaking, that we needed to break up because I might not be able to handle that in the future.

    In a nutshell, we just broke up again about 2 weeks ago, and it’s very painful to watch the relationship we have built for roughly 6 months fizzle out just like that. Life continues. We are the people of hope. I believe that one day, maybe sooner than i think, I will meet the right person for me. In between, I am a devout Catholic and she’s not a Catholic, and this sometimes brings strong disagreement between us when we discuss religious issues, basically due to different theological perspectives or doctrines.

    Thanks again for this post. It really helped.

      24 Apr 2019

      Great article, thanks!!

      Dominic, I am so sorry. I will pray for you!!
      God bless you!!

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