I walked into a Church once, for the first time, on a college campus where I knew almost no one. It was an evening Mass on a weekday and I wasn’t sure what to wear or what I would find when I walked through the, at the time, ominous large brown doors. I’d been on the university less than a week and had yet to visit the spiritual heartbeat of the campus.
Holding my breath, I grabbed the iron handles and plunged myself into a dimly lit circular building. What I saw brought an immediate smile to my face. Students kneeling in prayer, backpacks strewn across the pews, some sitting with their heads in their hands, exhausted from a long day of classes. A couple dresses, mostly jeans and tshirts. Everyone was … comfortable.
A humble band of two guitars and a vocalist sang praise and worship as a few more stragglers tumbled in and I found a place a few pews away from the altar to throw my own bag down and sit. A guy from biology, (or was it english?) scooted down the pew and lightly punched me in the shoulder whispering, “Hey”. I smiled back.
Relief flooded through me and at that moment, I was happy to be somewhere it was ok just to be.
There in that place I was enough as I was. This Church was shared by a diverse group of college kids who, regardless of how different, came together to worship as a community. It didn’t matter if the partier was two rows behind me or the perfect A student RA was a couple pews in front, we were all there as Christians and that was common ground enough.
No prerequisites, no requirements, no expectations. Come as you are, you are good enough.
Catholic Dating Sites are Basically Catholic Colleges
Catholic dating sites remind me a lot of my old college. They are a place that can seem intimidating at first, with metaphorically large, ominous doors that may be hard to enter, but once you arrive, you find yourself surrounded by people that are, to be honest, exactly like you.
Male. Female. Sinners. Wanna be saints. Humans. SINGLE.
One of the biggest jokes on campus when I was there was that girls came to school to get their MRS degree. People would literally fill out college applications anticipating that by the time they graduated, they would leave hand in hand with the absolutely perfect in every way partner and together they’d live happily ever after.
As if.
On the contrary, girls would arrive to the school to find that, wait for it, boys were boys – real life, human boys. They weren’t these perfect St. Joseph prototypes that the ladies had spent entire summer nights dreaming up in their heads.
And the boys realized the same thing about the gals. They were real, human women, not perfect Virgin Mary cookie cutters.
AND THEY WERE ALL SHOCKED.
But they shouldn’t have been. Because here’s the deal, humans are human whether they are Catholic or Atheists, Christians or Muslim. Humans share many different personalities, temperaments, and most importantly, they are not perfect.
The last time I checked, there were only a couple of literally “perfect” individuals and as I recall, they lived somewhere back around 6 and 4 BC and we haven’t had any new ones since.
Catholics are Human too.
What everyone at my university had to realize before they were able to settle in and have a good time, is that joy didn’t come from perfection, but from the friendships made and camaraderie shared among like minded people. The common ground on the top of that hill was the fact that everyone was a student and everyone was Christian (and mostly Catholic).
A Catholic dating site isn’t much different from that university. A group of single, like minded people coming together in a place searching for commonalities and camaraderie that can lead to lifelong friendships.
At least, that’s what it should be.
Because if you’re coming to a Catholic dating site with a long list of attributes that keeps you from reaching out to most of the people on there, you’re not going to get very far. And if you’re planning on scheduling a wedding with the first person who sends you a message, you might as well go ahead and invest in a cat. Or two.
Jesus didn’t say, “Come to me all who go to Latin Mass”, or “Come to me all who dress modestly”, no … He was an everybody’s Man. He hung out with saints and sinners alike. Mary Magdalene, Doubting Thomas, shall I go on?
Like the beautiful little Catholic campus on top of that hill, if you come to an amazing Catholic dating site with a firm opinion about what kind of people you will and won’t associate with, your experience is going to be limited, and lonely. But if you come with an open mind and take the time to actually meet and get to know people, you’ll most likely have the time of your life as you unlock a whole new world of friendships and people.
But What About Finding a Spouse? Isn’t That the Whole Point?
Sure your end game is to find a spouse. But as with any goal worth attaining in life, it takes time and patience. Lots of it. A dating site isn’t a mail order bride service, but a place where you can come to meet and greet people who are looking for and enjoying the same things in life as you.
Spouses should always, ALWAYS, be friends first. Sometimes discovering a confidant that you can laugh and share with, trust and oh so easily communicate with, is better than finding the person that meets every item on your long list of “must haves,” but has zero personality.
Trust me on this one. Been there, wore the (engagement) ring.
But that’s a story for another day.
Give Online Dating a Real Chance
If you want to get the most out of your journey to find a spouse, there are a couple of things you’re going to have to do.
- Relax. You know that saying, “Let go and let God”? ←That.
- Be patient. Dating takes time and it’s not a one size fits all approach. Being a part of a online dating community is like being part of a book club. It takes time to read the book, chapter by chapter, and while doing so you get to know the people and their thoughts on the story as well. It brings you closer and teaches you to respect other people’s opinions, even if they are a little bit different than your own.
- Let go of unrealistic expectations. Even St. Joseph wasn’t perfect, but this didn’t stop Mary from taking him as her spouse. She may have had other expectations for her husband, but God told her to set them aside and trust Him on this one. He’s probably telling you the same. Let. Them. Go.
- Have Fun. Don’t get stressed out everytime you send or recieve a message. It’s a digital envelope, not an engagement ring. Enjoy getting to know other people in the same life raft as you and take the pressure of having a big assignment that’s due by a certain time off of your plate. Life is a journey, not a destination.
If you walk onto a dating site without an open mind, you’ll not only miss out on the opportunity to get to possibly meet a future spouse, but you’ll miss the chance to become a part of a community that is journeying together through life in the same fashion as you.
Faith, school, work, family – all of these are big time life components that people, even if they aren’t the ones you’ll walk down the aisle with one day, are excited and willing to share with you.
And who knows, maybe one of those people that you reach out to and befriend may not have the bucket list of everything you want in a spouse, but their sibling or friend does. If you never take a chance on them, I guess you’ll never know.
Dating is all about taking chances. Opening yourself to people and letting them open up to you. Putting yourself out there because you are good enough, and maybe, just maybe, they are too.
