Dear Father Jim……….I have been a widow for several years now after my Beloved husband died of cancer ………..I am lonely , and would like to find a nice gentleman to fill this empty void in my life…But, so far all I have gotten are not very nice men…..I am a nice person, and so In love with Jesus, never miss Mass,and feel very close to God….So WHAT IS WRONG??? this maybe a dumb question, but wanted to ask you……Thank you , if you answer this………
Thanks for your question, and I am sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how painful it must be to have been married for many years, to watch them suffer and pass away from cancer and then in a sense having to “start over”.
You spoke of filling an “empty void” and I think that if you’re looking for someone to fill that, it will always end up being inadequate. That empty void is the grief of losing someone you’ve loved and shared many years of your life with. I remember a priest who was a grief counselor once saying that when we go through the pain of losing someone we love, it’s like someone walks into our home, sees this beautiful, ornate, precious, glass vase and smashes it on the floor into thousands of pieces. No matter what, we will not be able to refashion it into the vase that it was. But, in time, we learn how to pick up the pieces and make something new – those pieces, with the “hands of the Master Artist” can be created into a stained glass window or some other beautiful piece of artwork. It’s not going to be the same as it was – but it can become something beautiful again.
So in terms of asking “what is wrong”, I can’t say that you’re doing anything “wrong.” I think it’s a matter of allowing the Lord to help you work through this difficult time. We often think we’re doing that simply by going to Mass and feeling close to God, but sometimes, we just assume because He knows what we’re going through (and what we need) that we don’t need to ask Him or talk to HIm about it. I know that’s happened in my own life many times.
It’s when we go to him and just lay ourselves out there (like you did so movingly in your note) and tell Him that we are putting our lives in His hands that prayers are answered.
I know that’s hard. But we have to remember that God created us to be happy, to be fulfilled. He planted those desires deep within. It’s like this radar within us that constantly is pulling us to look for that draws us to Him…
In the end, He is the only one who will be able to fill any voids we feel.
I hope this is of some help and will keep you in my prayers that you will be attentive to His voice
Fr Jim
