Dear Father Jim:
Todays homily was about marriage and how no one has the power to destroy this Sacrament. I married a devout Catholic woman and she divorced us 2 yars ago.
She was mislead by people at our church. I took my vows with full intention of forever.
Now she has been pursuaded to file for annulment; which she has.
No grounds for annulment are valid, yet the American church finds grounds to hear the case. I am a new Catholic; confirmed in 2006. We are both over 50; dated exclusive for 13 years.
This kils my belief in the Catholic faith; who will stand up and do the right thing?
I shouldn’t even be on this site; by the Catholic standards, I’m still married.
Do I fight for my marriage or wimp out and let the wrong thing take place? I find all this to be very cowardly and very non catholic as I was taught in RCIA. Confused is a very slight reaction I have. I’m told to move on; get over it. Is nothing sacred anymore?
I find divorce and annulment a disgrace in the church; it breaks my heart and my belief as a Catholic.
Please don’t give the same advice I get from most people. I want someone to stand up and say and mean what they feel.
Thanks,
Disgusted in Texas
Dear Disgusted:
Normally I wouldn’t publish a personal Q&A like this as a question of the week, but I’ve gotten a few messages from people who seem to be sharing similar sentiments.
How does the Church say on the one hand that marriage is forever? How can we say that we believe when Jesus says that “no man (or woman) must separate” what God has joined, yet somehow we’ve “come up” with annulments?
Theologically, I’ve understood the Church’s explanations (and have gone over that on here before in other Q&A’s). And I agree with the Church’s teachings on this.
Pastorally though, that’s a whole other issue. The pain of divorce is real, deep and affects more than just the couple that is going through that pain. I think back to couples I’ve helped prepare for marriage who I learned later have divorced. And I feel great sadness – as well as my own questioning (did I do all I could to help prepare them for marriage?)
And my only explanation or understanding of this is, this is what Sin does. This is what evil does. It hurts, causes pain, leads to more and more questioning, confusion and doubt.
Does the fact that your marriage ended in divorce mean that God has abandoned you or that the Church doesn’t believe in the sanctity of marriage or that marriage is forever? No – but I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way.
Some of the hardest parts of Christian living is realizing that my feelings don’t equal my belief. In these moments of darkness and abandonment, when I reach our to Jesus Christ, cling to my faith is where my faith becomes even more real.
Easier said then done, for sure… But if you allow your heart to be open and share your pain, your disappointment with Christ, hopefully you will begin to experience the Love and Healing that Jesus offers.
In Christ,
Father Jim
