[In our last Q&A, I began answering this letter:]
Dear Fr. Jim:
I have returned to the Catholic Church after a divorce in 1995. At the time, I felt totally unworthy of
participation in the liturgy and sacraments. I was raised in a very traditional Catholic family and
divorce was unheard of. I still feel this way, particularly around those who have been able to keep
their marriage truly sacramental.
I am curious about the Church’s current thinking regarding divorced Catholics and would like
information on the value of an annulment. I have felt like a “second rate” Catholic!
I wanted to spend a little more time in answering the second part of your question. In the last couple of months that I have been doing the weekly chat sessions, the question on the “value” of annulments have come up in some way, shape or form more than any other.
For a variety of reasons, people have gotten the impression that annulments are “Catholic Divorces.” Which really is an unfortunate (and incorrect) characterization. In an annulment, the Church doesn’t look to assign blame on one person or the other. And the Church isn’t trying to make “more hoops” for people to jump through.
The Church is saying that sacredness of Marriage is extremely important as one of the seven sacraments. At the same time, the Church also recognizes the pain that a couple goes through after they have gone through a divorce. So, on one level an annulment is meant to bring some spiritual healing and closure by asking “what flaws where there in this bond that prevented it from becoming a marriage.”
That’s not to say we deny the length of time that a couple was married. Nor does it make children “illegitimate.” It’s simply asking an important essential question – what was it that the husband and wife didn’t see or know (or couldn’t have seen or known at the time) that prevented them from being able to remain together – and thereby not making it a true marriage.
So as the marriage is “put on trial” the Church has a court of sorts called a “tribunal.” The person who initiated the annulment is assigned an advocate, and witnesses are asked to give testimony (usually through written accounts) explaining what they saw that backs up the belief that there was something that impeded the “true marriage’s” existence. The reason they ask for witnesses for the annulment, is the same as why there’s a requirement (both civilly and in the Church) for witnesses at a wedding: Marriage is a public event.
In working with petitioners, its been my experience that it is a difficult experience. People end up having to “revisit” a painful loss in their lives. But in all of my experiences the petitioner found healing and truly felt they had grown from the process. Ultimately the hope is that if the petitioner wishes to marry someone again, they will have learned more about themselves and the sacrament of marriage and be able to find that “true marriage” they sought the first time.
I hope that helps you see the “value” of an annulment – and that you’ll be open to talking to your parish priest about the possibility of beginning an annulment process.
God Bless,
Fr Jim
