Q & A – April 23rd

Fr. Jim,
As a follow-up letter of April 16, about the guy who is shy and is trying to meet a woman by setting up an “accidental” meeting, I am in the same dilemnna. I have been wanting to meet this attractive Irish woman at Church for about four years now. She had seen me up on the loft singing and I have tried to pass slight conversation after Mass, but, nothing is working. I know where she lives and I know where she shops on Sundays, but, the same as the other guy, I do not want to appear creepy. You mentioned admitting your weakness, but, I seem to freeze when a chance occurs – which is very seldom. Honestly, there was a time when I almost spoke to her and would tell her “You know, I was sent by God to be your Angel.” I am glad I stopped myself.
How should I honestly approach this dilemnna?

Hey, thanks for your question –
In thinking about your question (and last week’s similar question) a favorite bible quote came to mind: “He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward since he himself is beset with weakness.” (Hebrews 5:2)

Now, St. Paul in that quote is talking about how it is that Jesus is able to relate to us. But, one thing that I find meaningful from that quote is how Paul identifies part of the reason we have this intimate relationship with God is because he’s able to meet us in our vulnerability.

And I think there’s something to that in terms of our relationships not just with God, but with one another, particularly for those wanting to ask someone out.

Now, I’m not advocating revealing every type of weakness, inadequacy, etc – that wouldn’t work either (NOT AT ALL!!!) But honestly, would you rather have someone show interest in dating you because you came up with a cheesy line like “I was sent by God to be your angel” or someone who you said “I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to ask you, but, could I buy you a cup of coffee?”

(Sorry, I didn’t mean to make fun of your “I’m your angel” line…)

But think about it, if that line was REALLY your personality, you’d have said that weeks (months?) ago – because it would have been a funny, goofy line that if that’s YOUR personality, it would have worked.

From your letter, I think saying something that’s honest, from the heart that reveals, that -yes, I’m nervous, yes, this is a bit of a stretch for me, and I’m putting myself out there and might even get rejected… But, this is who I am – a nice guy, who would like to get to know you better, I can’t imagine a better approach, can you?

I hope that helps – let me know how it goes!

God Bless!
Fr Jim