Men, prepare yourselves for the long haul. You will be dating longer. The average guy gets married at 29 now, meaning that a good number of them are probably 35+ and you may be among them. There’s nothing wrong with being single longer, the man biological clock still has plenty of time on it. However, there are some things you should be doing to stay an active player and not a bench warmer.
Don’t talk about how you used to be fit when you were in high school or college. If you’re single you have only yourself to take care of and almost no excuse not to have a reasonable BMI. Good health keeps your reproductive abilities in optimal condition so you can be confident, “Hey, I’m still capable of fathering a human.” That’s barely half of what a relationship is about; but still, it’s important to make the effort and at least show you care. A hyper extended waistline sends the message that you’ve given up or are at least indifferent.
Limber body, limber mind. As we tend to get bigger and older we also tend to get stiffer. We find out what we like and stick to it, like 4 star cocktail lounges. That’s good but continue to break your routine at least once a month, go to dive bar, take a dive in cold water, or just talk to someone you have nothing in common with.
BE OPEN TO GOING OUT WITH A WIDER VARIETY OF PEOPLE
Open minded could mean dating someone with a child, something you may not have considered or even come across at 22. However, in your late thirties it’s a much more common scenario and you should at least let it cross your mind.
LEARN TO COMMIT
Some guys are old and single because they can’t commit. The freedom of being a thirty-something financially stable single guy is absolutely awesome. However, don’t let it go to your head and turn you into a non-committer. A 37 year old who doesn’t know how to commit is like a 5 year-old who still can’t walk. No one will tell you directly but everyone is wondering, “Is there something wrooong with him? Has anyone taken him to see a specialist?”
That’s the middle-aged guy without commitment. Scary, I know, so avoid that. Start committing to little things like actually showing up to half gym classes you put on your calendar or becoming a weekly volunteer in the Big Brother program.
FOCUS MORE ON EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION
In the younger years we tend to equate sexual attraction with physical attraction and are fairly oblivious to spiritual attraction altogether. As time goes on, you get to be more in tune to your own feelings, you begin to see that some people just make you feel great when you’re around them whether or not they meet that physical checklist. That’s the beginning of emotional attraction and, eventually a good sexual attraction also. As you get older you’ll meet older women who have developed a refined emotional and sexual attraction that their younger “sisters” in society almost completely lack. Learn to appreciate that.
Deeper than either of those is spiritual attraction, which we also appreciate more with age. Spiritually attractive people aren’t necessarily the ones who go to daily Mass or wear mantillas, although that’s a very nice thing. A spiritually attractive person is one with an attractive spirituality who shares the same (or perhaps better) spiritual values than you do. If you value forgiveness, sense of mission, trust in uncertainty, then finding someone with a similar spirituality will be attractive in much the same way that they could have the physical qualities you value. By the time you’re thirty or forty you’ll probably have a defined spirituality and you’ll also begin to recognize the spirituality in others much better. Don’t take that for granted.
It’s totally normal now to be in the third decade of your life and still single. What you need to do though is take steps to make the experience rich and also stay relevant to a wider age range of potential partners. Get in shape for the long haul.