The world of social media can definitely lead us into a trap of comparison in the worst ways. It’s easy to look at someone’s perfect Instagram and become jealous of what another’s life seems to be. But jealousy can also rear its ugly head on online dating sites.
Most online dating site users don’t find immediate success or even a ton of promising matches instantly. In the throes of the (usually inevitable) discouragement, it can seem like a good idea to browse what others single men and women are doing with their profiles. This kind of browsing can sometimes be helpful and inspire you with good ideas for your own profile. However, it can also be extremely unhelpful if you are already feeling insecure about yourself and fighting feelings of comparison and jealousy.
The online dating world is ripe with opportunities to envy the success of others. Someone else’s “perfect” profile can leave our love lives looking drab. If online dating is leading you to give in to jealousy towards others, here are three steps you can take to fight this temptation.
1. Ground yourself in prayer
Prayer is always going to be the number one way to combat any temptation. Jealousy is no different. Begin by asking God for the grace to overcome envy. Tell him specifically what you are struggling with, and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with the grace you need. You can also bring to prayer the particular insecurities that are leading you to be jealous of others. If you aren’t sure what those insecurities, ask God to enlighten you so that you can fight this tendency better.
Read more: What to do if online dating is bringing back old insecurities
Ask Our Lady to intercede that you might be able to imitate her ardent charity even towards those who seem to so annoyingly have it all together. Ask her to bring you assistance in imitating her heroic patience as you wait for your own happily ever after.
Seek out some saints who are known as patron saints against jealousy and ask for their intercession. Saint Elizabeth of Hungary and Saint Hedwig are both great saints to look into as a single Catholic man or woman. Do your best to frequent the sacraments. Receiving the Eucharist and going to confession can be huge helps in the battle against any temptation. Confession literally gives you the grace to help you resist temptation in the future.
2. Spend time with people who appreciate you
Overcome the temptation to jealously compare yourself to others by spending time with friends or family who lift you up. Most of us probably have at least a couple of friends or family members who can acknowledge our good qualities. Sometimes it can be as simple as spending time with that person who really gets your humor, who laughs at your jokes and riffs on them for even more laughs.
Think of times people have trusted you with their joys and challenges. There’s a reason they came to you to share their stress, frustration, or celebration. It’s because you’re good at being there for them. Spending time with others who have a strong relationship with you can help uplift your spirits and remind you that you do have beneficial relationships in your life, even if that romantic one is taking a while to get started.
3. Come up with a plan to fight jealousy
Like all trouble spots in our life, we’re not going to do a very good job at overcoming temptations to jealousy by simply winging it and hoping for the best. Instead, we’ll have much higher chances of success if we make an intentional plan that will help us avoid those situations that trigger us and lead us to jealous comparison.
Try to take an honest look at the times when you struggle with jealousy the most. It might not always be practical or necessary to totally avoid the situations that lead us to these types of struggles, but you should definitely come up with ideas to mitigate the temptation.
For example, maybe you recognize that you really struggle with jealousy when you look at Instagram. This doesn’t mean you necessarily need to completely give up Instagram. However, you can make a plan to reduce the time you spend on the app. You can also consider trying to find some more religious or otherwise uplifting accounts to follow so that you’re not just focusing on your friend’s amazing engagement pics (like Catholic Singles!).
Coming up with a plan for this troublesome area can also be as simple as resolving to dismiss jealous thoughts and move on to thinking about something else, every time you notice them. Just like in the case of struggles against impure thoughts, we can’t always control when jealous thoughts come up in our minds. But we can learn to control how much we dwell on them. It won’t necessarily be easy to dismiss jealous thoughts, but the resolution to do so can really help us in overcoming this problem.
Make sure to decide on specific ways to make prayer a number one priority in this area. Then make a resolution to stick to this plan for prayer, even when it becomes dry and difficult.
