“Should I text or call? Send an emoji? Several emoji’s?”
“I go on dates every week but why can’t I just find the right person?”
Aziz Ansari’s “Modern Romance” most likely won’t give you the answers to these and dozens of other modern dating dilemmas, but he will share with you the opinions and experiences of thousands of other single men and women. So at least, you won’t feel alone in your dilemma.
The good part is that the book isn’t just about Aziz himself, although he does have insightful experiences and an empathizing sense of humor. His sources also include countless survey participants, hundreds of interviews and focus groups across the world, and a massive online subreddit forum created especially for the book.
I hesitated for a second before reading this book. Will the fast-lane dating approach of a California-based comedy celebrity have anything in common with my humble romance of about two dates per month? I was pleasantly surprised.
For starters, I did find a few parts inapplicable, including a discussion on sexting, which is incomprehensible from my background of an 80’s kid. A simple selfie in board shorts is already plenty intimate enough for me to share with the lady.
However, many of the author’s inexplicit or explicit conclusions are things that anyone who has ever gone on a date or at least tried to go on a date in the last 10 years can relate too.
For instance, take the difference between passionate and compassionate love.
Passionate love is euphoric pleasure, basically a life of Friday nights and falling in love. “Why can’t it just last forever?” we whine.
Compassionate love is more dependable, deeper, intimate and heads towards a purposeful life, which often includes a family and children.
Which one will really make us happy? It’s not an all new question in human history but the author manages to narrate it in a way that makes perfect sense for those caught between “living the life” indefinitely and “settling down”. By the end of his little treatise you’ll probably have a better idea of which you want.
Aziz covers other topics, as well. Should I text or call? Should I go on a lot of first dates until I meet that amazing person? Or take the time to get to know someone well before moving on? Backed with hard data and real testimonies, he just gives you the facts, what is happening in “modern romance” without any preconceived agenda to make romance more or less modern.
The end goal of all this, of course, is, “How do we find happiness in dating and relationships today?” For starters, don’t follow the French custom of open mistresses or courtesans. For the rest though, you’ll have to read for yourself.
Who could read Aziz’s book? Pretty much any single person who admits to not having all or most of the answers to this complex social phenomena called Modern Romance.