As an adult, your mental health affects how you think, act, speak, and behave in your day to day life. It also influences how you handle stress, face challenges, and restore balance to your life after difficult situations. If you are looking for ways to feel better about yourself, make good decisions, or understand your emotions, there are practical ways to boost your mental health starting right now. If we’re being honest, sometimes acquiring a health mental state requires seeking professional help. Licensed counselors and psychologists can help diagnose and treat things like depression, social anxiety, and help you take a deeper look at your past. But, professional diagnoses aside, it’s important to take care of yourself and your mental health. Below are four practical ways to look after your mental health as a single, Catholic adult.
1. Find your purpose
When we’re single, we have to resist the temptation to live our life as if our purpose is to find a romantic relationship. Instead, our life purpose should not be intertwined with a relationship. Our purpose, goals, and drive should be defined while we’re single. Defining your goals as a single adult can lead to emotional stability if you do enter a romantic relationship. Finding our life purpose means asking ourselves what our talents are. “If you lack purpose it can be easy to become distracted in life and get involved in things that provide no true value,” writes Stephan Labossiere, a certified relationship coach. “It can also lead to attaching yourself to the wrong person in a relationship because you are looking for them to fill the void you’re experiencing. Finding your purpose will add fulfillment to your life, and help you grow as a person. Waiting until after you’re in a relationship to discover your purpose can set you up to be with someone who doesn’t truly align with it or embrace it. So find yourself first, and whether you remain single or you get involved, you will be in a much better place.”
2. Experience positive friendships
If you’re single, that doesn’t mean that you are alone. Often singles are flooded with advice about how to meet people of the opposite sex and be open to new romantic relationships. Yet it’s also important to foster positive friendships, as well. Meeting people who share your interests can help your mental health as a single adult. According to research, friendships help us become stronger, make us more inclined to help others, and help us learn to present ourselves authentically. Friendships can also help us to recognize our own self-worth. “People who are anxious in social situations are less likely to fumble in those situations when a friend is nearby than when they are alone,” writes Dr. Bella DePaulo. “One way this works is that fewer negative thoughts about yourself run through your head when a friend is at your side.”
3. Establish your self-worth
“One of the all-time, big myths we have been taught by Hollywood and Nashville is that you need another person to ‘complete you.’ In fact it is just the opposite,” writes relationship coach Marianne Oesher. “A really good relationship requires both of you to be complete people, individually.” A season of singleness is an incredible time to realize your self-worth, especially in your relationship with the Lord. He has made you good, worthy, If you struggle with self-worth, start by rejecting the lies you’ve bought into about who you are. Do you think you’re not good enough, not attractive enough, too broken, or unworthy of love? Those are all lies to be rejected. Take out a piece of paper and write down the lies you’ve believed. Then destroy the lies by calling out truths about yourself. Write another list of the good qualities and accomplishments the Lord has helped you with in your life. You are worthy of authentic love – and recognizing that fact before you enter into a relationship can save you so much heartache. “If you are not happy with who you are, you won’t find happiness in a long-term relationship,” Oesher explains. “You have to be happy with who you are on the inside, and happy with the way you look at life and other people. No one can do that for you.”
4. Pursue what you’re passionate about
During years of singleness, it can be tempting to live your life on pause, or to fall into the trap of believing that your life will begin when you have a ring on your finger. But one way that you can strive towards a healthy approach to your single years is to start pursuing what you’re passionate about right now. You don’t have to live your life as if you’re killing time between now and the altar. A season of singleness gives you a certain freedom to pursue what you’re passionate about, even if it isn’t incredibly practical. “This means you can take the job teaching theology in the Catholic high school and not worry too much about the less than stellar salary,” writes Emily Stimpson, author of The Catholic Girls Survival Guide for the Single Years. “You can go write for that newspaper, open your restaurant, or start an online stationary business with your best friend. You can sell all your worldly possessions and embark on a two-year evangelization stint across Ireland, or head south to Haiti and spend six months helping out at an orphanage. The options are almost endless. And that’s because of, not in spite of, you’re present singleness.” Single Catholic adults should have a freedom to pursue what the Lord is calling them to without fearing that it will hurt their future vocation. If the Lord is calling you to a mission field, that mission work isn’t going to stand in the way of meeting a future spouse (or intimidate him or her!). “Following God’s will in one area can’t block God’s will in another,” Stimpson explains. “So be fearless. Follow God wherever he calls you. This time in life is an opportunity that may not last and will not come again.”
