In a Dating Rut? Here’s How to Get Out of It
Dating is difficult! Whether in person or on a dating website, finding the right person can take a lot of work. You may go on some boring, frustrating or insignificant dates that can easily leave you in a rut.
Dread going out on your next date? Does even the thought of being set up with someone new make you uneasy? It’s time to shake things up a bit.
After all, dating should be fun. Think back to when your parents first allowed you to venture into the world of dating. Do you remember the newness, excitement and anticipation you felt?
If dating just doesn’t seem fun anymore, it’s time to change the way you’re going about it and get out of that rut. Here are a few of our best tips for changing things up and hopefully finding better results in your love life.
Try new dating websites
One of the biggest mistakes of online dating you can make is to box yourself into the same app or site. Logging onto just one site can limit the people you’re connecting with.
If you only use the first couple of dating websites that you come across, you may be missing out on finding a particular one that will cater directly to you and what you’re looking for. The most successful online daters are the ones who build a solid community of people that they can talk with and relate to.
Websites like Catholic Singles build their entire mission around creating a community where everyone is welcome and connected through their common faith and interests. If you have never tried online dating, or if you’re stuck on a website that just isn’t producing results, try something new!
Try new date ideas
To mix things up, you have to step out of your comfort zone and try a new style of dating. The average dinner date may be safe and comfortable, but those dates can leave you in a rut if you’re not making a connection with the person across the table from you.
If you want to form a bond with someone or find someone who meshes well with you, think outside of the box. Find some fun local activities that you and your date can do together while getting to know each other better.
Whether it’s a concert or a comedy club, do some research and find something that sounds fun to you. Exploring your own town like a tourist always brings out new and exciting details you might have never known about before.
New places to date can really open up the world of dating to be more fun and exciting. Finding people who share your same interests and feel comfortable doing so can lead to a deeper connection than small talk over dinner ever will.
Date outside of your type
It’s easy to go on dates with people who fit into a particular mold that we have created.
Maybe you’ll only date a guy who has a college degree, or only go out with a girl who wants at least four children. Both great desires, but they’re not always feasible. By searching outside the box, you may find exactly the person you’re looking for.
Challenge yourself to look for profiles on dating websites that you would normally look past. Don’t be so quick to click away or swipe left because he or she doesn’t match the ideal image of the person that you have in your head.
Compromising on a new type does not mean compromising on values or morals. It simply means letting go of some of the unnecessary expectations you may have set in exchange for the opportunity to meet someone that will make dating exciting once again.
Look for some inspiration
If you’re in a dating rut and things just feel dull, dive back into your Bible or journal to remember why you are dating in the first place.
Sometimes it is necessary to sit before Jesus and be honest about where you are and where you want to go. When you take time to recenter yourself, you will find clarity in what it is you are trying to accomplish with dating. Once you understand your own intentions, you’ll have an easier time getting excited about dating again.
Ask for dating advice
Reaching out to friends, family and church members for dating advice can be very productive. Sometimes we don’t realize our own faults or know how to identify them and reaching out to those close to us can help us realize them.
Once we know what things we need to weed out in ourselves, we can make a better effort to open ourselves to the person we are dating. Let your community be helpful in sharing insight from their own dating stories as well.
Take care of yourself
Dating starts with loving yourself.
Read that sentence again.
If you don’t love yourself, you will never have the capability to fully love someone else.
Loving yourself means taking care of yourself. Doing things that will renew you spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally are good for your well being and will be beneficial in your relationships.
Take some time for Eucharistic Adoration each week. Join a book group. Go to your local spa for a massage once a month. Whatever spells self care for you, do it, and do it well.
Start by saying yes
Sometimes dating can be exciting, but we just don’t allow it to be. Enjoying dating often means saying yes to the opportunities that are laid out before you.
By staying open to possibilities, you won’t be in the same routine and potentially fall into a rut. If your values and morals are clear, saying yes to the right thing becomes easy.
No one has to make all of these changes at once. Pick one small change and start there. Once you master the smaller things, move on to the bigger ones until you find that you have emerged out of your dating rut.
Whether your small beginning is switching to a new dating website or simply reaching out to your community for advice, allow yourself to be open to the above suggestions and once again find the excitement that dating should bring.
Cassi Villanueva is a freelance writer and contributing blogger at Catholic Singles. Born and raised in the south, when she's not writing, she can be found spending time with her husband and four children in the northern suburbs of Atlanta, GA.