Being present is a daily struggle that plagues all of humankind. More often than embracing the current moment, we’re turning over the past in our minds or looking ahead to the future.
It’s not necessarily a fault—it could be said that it’s biological. In the dawn of man, reviewing old behaviors could save you a future problem. Keeping an eye on the future meant staying sharp against potential threats.
Now, though, this obsession with the “next” instead of the “now” transformed from biological to competitive.
For me, the wrestling match between what was, what is, and what will be has manifested in a big way in my dating life. While knowing your destination is of vital importance to the journey, it’s not actually meant to overshadow why we’re on the journey in the first place.
Let me say that again, because it’s sort of cyclical and confusing idea. Imagine a pilot flying you from California to New York. Just because he knows we’ll be landing in New York, you surely don’t want him kicking back and ignoring every moment in the sky between here and there. Knowing our destination doesn’t mean we can zone out for the rest of the trip to get there.
The path deserves as much (maybe even more!) attention as the landing place.
If you find yourself obsessing over the future, here are a few things to consider.
When planning for the future becomes pervasive
I am a person who needs a plan. Knowing where, when, why, who and how are necessary for me to participate in anything. Even among my own family, if I don’t have a full scope of when and where we’ll be eating dinner, and how many people will join us, and how long it will take—I become irritable and anxious beyond measure.
Maybe not to that degree, but at least to some degree, we all crave a level of control over our lives. Control often equates to knowledge. Without knowing what our next step is, we fear that we may fall, get lost, live an empty life never knowing our purpose.
You may recognize yourself in the middle of this struggle if you’re always reaching for the next thing that will make you happy.
The problem is goals that reflect success—be it financial, romantic, physical, social—seem admirable but can quickly become dangerous because they aren’t rooted in heaven.
While there’s nothing wrong with setting goals, beware of becoming all consumed with buying a home or hitting a goal weight or meeting your spouse. When you focus all of your energy on the new and improved version of yourself, you risk missing out on opportunities to build who you are right now.
Let God be God
In Hillary Scott & The Scott Family’s song “Thy Will,” there’s a powerful moment that goes: “Sometimes I gotta stop. Remember that you’re God, and I am not.”
No matter how many times I hear this, it impacts me. How many moments of joy have I lost by trying to do God’s job and control everything around me?
The quest for control became so great a struggle in my life that I got a tattoo of a compass on my foot. It serves to remind me that, unlike a map which features a specific and planned route, a compass will still guide you to your destination but with adjustments to your plan when necessary.
Much like a compass, God will guide us gently and subtly towards the right path.
The downside is the upside
Despite your best efforts, a part of you will always obsess over the future. In essence, you’re only going to succeed in remaining in the present moment about 90% of the time.
Before you feel immediately defeated, though, understand this truth: the most powerful incentive to seek the future is that our hearts are seeking their home.
It’s literally written in our souls that we are to live in constant and restless pursuit of an eternity with the Lord. Saint Augustine wrote, “I am restless until I rest in you, Oh God.”
While we sometimes assign this restless feeling a temporary earthly fix, like marriage or buying a home or retiring—the ultimate destination is what’s drawing us forward.
In those moments, ask God to keep your heart fixed on the present moments that will lead you toward a future with him.
