My boyfriend left me a week ago and has already moved on to another girl. His reasons were that I was too dramatic, despite the fact that he created most of the drama. I do have a very busy life and am constantly traveling across the state bouncing between home and college and so I was always able to see him. I’m so confused as to how a person can just forget a relationship so quickly and I don’t know if I should be furious with him for ignoring what we shared or if I should be happy that maybe he has found the right girl. I’m still very much in love with him, but I just don’t know what to do.
Dear Emotionally Confused,
Of course your emotions are all over the place! You’ve been through a very jolting and shocking experience. I would imagine you are feeling hurt and angry, sad and confused, all at the same time. You have experienced both the loss of an important relationship and a betrayal. Is your boyfriend free to date? Of course. Does it sting that he chose to move on so quickly? Of course.
I don’t know how seriously you should consider his comments to you. Possibly ask some trusted friends or mentors if they see any indication of “drama” in the way you interact with them. But, this can be done later, for now you likely just need time to grieve.
You may also want to look at how much you did to be with him. Were you putting more into the relationship than he was? Did you give too much of yourself away? These are only questions you can answer, and it doesn’t mean you “did” anything wrong.
It sounds like your boyfriend was emotionally cut-off well before the relationship ended. Sometimes people “replace” rather than grieve, so it may be his way of “getting over” the relationship with you. Moving right into another relationship is bound to cause it’s own problems, so know that taking your time now to process this loss is the best thing you can do for yourself.
It does not mean that what you had together was not real. It does mean that it is over now. I think it’s ok to be angry, as long as you recognize the deep hurt underneath. I can’t imagine that you can truly be happy that he has found someone else, so don’t push yourself. In your own timing, and through prayer and discernment, you may become ready to release the bitterness and forgive. That doesn’t have to be now. Forgiveness does not mean that what he has done is ok, nor does it mean you want him back. When you are ready, you can forgive for your own sense of peace and closure.
The only thing you can “do” now is cry out to God. Read the Psalms. Send your anguish to Him, spend time at the foot of the cross. Talk to Him, write out your feelings, whatever works best for you. Jesus knows betrayal. Jesus knows how it feels to have those you love you walk away. Bring your sorrow to Him and allow Him to minister to you. There will be no quick fix here, God does not promise us life without pain. But he does promise to offer comfort.
I hope you find peace and understanding within the healing of the Lord.
Michele Fleming, M.A.