Dear Michele,I met a guy here about a week ago; immediately he asked to correspond ‘outside’ of CatholicSingles’ email system. Since I am so trusting and green, and, I guess, a bit naive, I saw no harm in pursuing. We’ve corresponded fairly lengthy emails a couple of times and he SOUNDED sincere and real. However, today I received the following email and am wondering what my next action should be:
“Hello charming lady. I am so completely in love with you. I wake to think of you and I sleep to see you in my dreams. Your love has made me love my life. Everyday seems like a blessing since I’ve met you. I feel so lucky and honored to be in love with such a talented, beautiful and intelligent lady. I love you with all of my heart. Thank you for sharing your love with me. It is a truly wonderful gift..
Hugs sweetie.
PS: Do you mind us communicating via text or call ????”
Red flags went up all over the place. NO WAY am I going to give him any identifying personal information. Besides the fact that this email does not ‘correspond’ to his previous emails in writing style…
My initial response is to ignore this and block all future emails from this address.
My second response (not such a good idea) is to basically go head-to-head with him about falling so deeply and madly in love with me due to a couple of emails (it’s a matter of calling him out for playing a game that is NOT appreciated!). THEN my common sense intervened and told me to come to you.
I am responsible for my own actions but could use some ‘seasoned online dating’ advice with this one! THANK YOU for reading this and giving me your time, Michele!
God bless,
Too Soon, Too Fast
Dear Too Soon, Too Fast,
You may be new to online dating, but your intuition is working very well! I do believe that at times people fall in love quickly, but confessing a total life transformation by the love created over a few emails does not correspond to reality. You are smart to be concerned and cautious. I’m glad to hear that this person only has your email and not your phone number or physical address.
Now what to do .. no matter what you do, blocking all future emails from your CatholicSingles email and your personal email is a must. If you choose to communicate with him, considering why you are doing so is really a personal matter. Do you feel that you could be protecting other women from him if you “call him out?” Or, would you just be releasing onto him the understandable anger and disappointment you must feel? Even if you are justified in those feelings, sharing them likely will change much. Closing off all communication will send the strongest, clearest message. My guess is that at some point he may even try to ask you for money or other financial assistance. If he believes that there is even a crack in an open door with you, he may try to pursue.
Please know that a vast majority of people who are using online dating sites, including this one, are simply just trying to meet a potential date or spouse. There are some great things about online dating, such as meeting people that share your faith and learning a lot about someone in a profile. But, sounds like you have experienced one of the downsides of online dating, people presenting themselves one way when really they are attempting to manipulate your feelings or your trust.
I would imagine that you have a good sense of what you are looking for in a partner, and from your reaction I can hear how important the qualities of authenticity and integrity are to you. Honestly, that is your best protection – to seek out truth and turn away when it doesn’t “feel” right. There is a biblical principle that Jesus talks about, telling us to “be of the light.” And those who are not “of the light” will turn away. And those of the light will be even more attracted.
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
