Dear Michele,Recently, my life changed in an instant over night. For four years this amazing guy was a great friend. I did not know he felt a connection to me until he revealed it to me 3 months ago. As friends, our conversations were never ending. We made time to take a walk , go to dinner watch football games on t.v. and really get to know one another. Before you know it we were talking and texting everyday and falling for each other. Finally he told me he loved me, and it had been a long time since I told a man I loved him, so I took a chance and told him also I loved him too. You see this man is a Christian too and he knows the Lord very well. I totally was immersed with love and happiness in my heart. I could not believe my prayers had been answered that God sent me this wonderful man in my life. So one night he explained to me he awoke the night before and had a tugging from God that our relationship was not to be and he was meant to walk with God. So here is where my life changes over night. He has broken our relationship off and is taking on a vocation for God . My heart is torn. I am trying to be supportive but yet I no longer have him in my life as a lover or spiritual partner. I am struggling that the love of my life has devoted his life to God and I need to accept it and be happy for him. This is very hard on my emotions and I will never change how I feel about him. I am just wondering if anyone else out there has had this happen to them or if u can give me some guidance as what this means and how I should handle it.
Sincerely,
Struggling In Love
Dear Struggling in Love,
Wow. What an amazing story. My heart goes out to you. It must be so disappointing to have a companion, friend, and then romantic partner suddenly leave your life. Even though you may intellectually understand the reason “why,” your emotions are still reeling. It’s likely you are having all sorts of feelings right now, sometimes contradictory and not making any sense.
It sounds like you both enjoyed the benefits of a romantic relationship for some time without taking on the responsibility of one. It’s not necessarily a problem, but it does set up the situation that has occurred to you. When the time and intimacy in a relationship come to the point where it’s obvious you want to be with each other, sometimes that moment brings up hidden challenges to making a commitment. If God is calling your friend, he may have been able to push that feeling aside as long as he wasn’t “officially” seeing a woman. But the step to becoming your boyfriend may have shown him that he could no longer avoid a call to an exclusive commitment to God.
What can you do? Give yourself time to grieve. I’m sure the holidays were not easy. Grief looks different for each person, but it’s a process of saying goodbye and re-structuring your life without the other person in it. You may need to cry, or talk to friends and mentors, or simply be alone. Journaling may help, along with reading books on letting go. There is a CD on my website called “Letting Go” that you may find helpful. You have suffered a great loss, not only in the relationship but also in your hopes for the future. Call out to the Lord who you thought was answering your prayers. He is still there, and He wants to comfort you.
What can you do in the future? I would limit the emotional intensity of your relationships until you know that the other person is free to commit, meaning he is able to discuss it and he knows that a commitment is needed to protect your heart. Some people call it “emotional chastity.” Of course physical chastity will greatly protect you from the same thing happening again, because our emotions and our soul become involved when our bodies unite.
I am so sorry you are struggling in love, it one of the hardest things to do. Continuing to love your partner means knowing that he must follow the call that he hears. I know it is difficult for you, and you are being brave to ask your question.
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
