Dear Michele,I was in a long distance relationship for two years. The first year we met we talked about marriage but he never gave me a ring or got engaged. He is not Catholic but he told me that he is willing to get married in the Catholic Church. When I got the schedule for the marriage encounter, he told me he was not ready to get married and that he may never be ready, due to his work schedule and issues with his health.
He also told me to find someone who is always there for me since we are 4 hours apart. That statement hurts me a lot. I feel like he never loved me. I signed up at this site but we never formally broken up. Am I doing the right thing? Please advise me on what to do. Do I need to move on? I still love him but I want to get married. I appreciate your advice. God bless.
Signed,
Should I Move On?
Dear Should I Move On,
I am so sorry that you are dealing with the loss of this relationship. I would imagine you feel betrayed and confused. It’s very difficult to be thinking this is the person you are going to marry, and then watch it slowly fall apart. But, falling apart is exactly what is happening. Yes, you need to move on because he is telling you that he is no longer interested in being exclusive and he is not willing to commit. Staying with him would simply be a betrayal to your own desire to get married one day.
Does moving on mean dating someone else? No, not necessarily. I’m not sure what you mean by “formally” breaking-up. He has done everything to end the relationship except say those words. In fact, it be very healing for you to say those words to him. Trying to hold on to someone that cannot or does not want to stay with you would be damaging to your self-esteem and dignity. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to get married or feels like he “can’t,” either way, he is not going to commit to you.
Rather than trying to immediately meet and date someone else, you need time to stop and grieve your loss. Take the time to cry, talk, be silent, or pray .. whatever you need to give yourself the space to let go. Cry out to Jesus and bring your pain to the foot of the cross. A two year relationship is a long time, I would give yourself two months at a minimum before getting involved with someone else. You have loss not only this relationship, but also your dreams for the future with this man. The more time to take to mourn now, the less chance those unresolved feelings will harm your next relationship.
Because you deserve someone that wants to commit to you. You deserve to feel secure in knowing that you are loved and the other person is willing to take responsibility for the relationship and for you. It does not mean your ex is a bad person, it just means he is likely not the person for you.
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
