Hi Michele,I just joined and I am very pleased with the men I have met on this site. One problem for me is the distance. I really don’t have the time or the resources to venture to other states (even half way) to meet them. What should I do if they want to come and visit me? Thank you for your response in this matter. God Bless!
Dating Close-By
Dear Dating Close-By,
I’m glad to hear that you are enjoying the site. One of the benefits of online dating is the pool of available men is much larger than simply the people you know or “run into” in your daily life. And when we have criteria such as a person who shares our faith, having access to people beyond your parish or geographic boundaries can really make a difference. You may have noticed that there are quite a few success stories of marriages from this site that started as long distance relationships.
I do understand that a long-distance relationship isn’t for everyone. It can be time consuming and expensive. However, it sounds like you are interested in meeting someone who would travel to see you. If so, I would suggest being very honest up front about how much effort you would be willing to make if the relationship really “clicks” and you both desire to spend more time together.
As far as meeting someone who is from out of state, I would suggest a consistent email exchange for at least a month. After that, talking on the phone at least four or five times (or more) for some length of time would be the next step, preferably for another month. Be sure not to give out any personal information. If you believe this is someone who could be a match, the first time you meet needs to be in a public place. Make sure you give a friend the details on where you will be and whom you will be meeting. Do not allow this person to stay at your home! It is too soon to be alone with him in a secluded location.
Try to confirm any information he may give you, such as employment or marriage status (you could ask for a business card and be sure to call the number). Even if you want to act like it’s a “joke” about how young he looks, to ask to see his driver’s license. Make note of his birth date and address. Notice the type of car he drives and try to catch the license number. You don’t have to be paranoid, just aware.
If you choose to meet up again, then either continue meeting in public places, or bring along friends to make it more of a group gathering. It’s always good to have other people’s viewpoint when meeting a new date. Make sure you always have access to your own transportation, and keep your cell phone on you. I would still not have him stay at your home.
Once you feel more comfortable, and several months have passed, you can start talking about meeting in private. By then, you should be able to see if the information he gives you about himself, his lifestyle, his employment, and his past appears to be true. If he is coming to your home, make sure someone else knows when he is coming over, or where you will be going. You may even ask for a friend or two to “drop by.” If you end up dating seriously, you can laugh about how you were checking him out and trying to write down his license plate.
Be sure to listen to your gut. Fear, suspicion, and anxiety are not of God. Peace is of God. Sometimes we let the excitement of meeting someone new get in the way of making sound decisions. Be clear that true intimacy grows over time and withstands many different tests, before that it’s simply your hope of what could be. Dating long-distance can be a great option for meeting someone. Just be sure to keep yourself safe in the process.
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
