Dear Michele,I get smiles from different women and when I respond with a kind comment, I get nothing back. Am I being too kind (I’ve heard some women like to be treated bad) or responding too quickly or not saying the right things?
Signed,
How to Respond?
Dear How To Respond,
Well that certainly sounds confusing. If a woman sent you a smile, I would assume it means she is interested. Of course, she could have started dating someone or changed her mind about what she is looking for, so levels of interest can fluctuate.
I don’t know exactly what you are considering a “kind” comment, but I would not assume that you are being too kind or that some women like to be treated poorly. In fact, I would never treat a person poorly, especially if that is what the person “likes.” First, it’s just plain wrong and un-Catholic to purposely mistreat others. And second, if a woman does “like” it, then she is probably reflecting how she feels inside. Meaning, down deep she may believe that she doesn’t deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. This is an extremely personal issue that needs both the light of Christ and interpersonal intervention. By treating someone “bad” in romantic relationships because it is expected is just continuing the abuse that they experienced by others or inflict on themselves. You don’t want to be a part of that, and you don’t want to be involved with a person in the middle of that struggle either. Praying for a person who seeks out mistreatment is the best thing you can do.
So, being kind is never the wrong thing to do. If your kind statement is a comment on a woman’s looks or body, it can easily be taken the wrong way. A statement of interest about something on her profile is always a good route to go. You may even point out an area where you are similar. Or, the simple route could work too. You could just say, “thank you for the smile. Tell me a bit more about yourself.”
Being authentic and knowing what you are truly looking for are good guidelines to follow. You don’t have to respond to every person, make sure it’s a good fit from your perspective. And when it’s a match, the communication will flow easily.
Hope that helps and God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
