I received two similar questions about how to make that first connection using this site, the first one from a female and the second from a male:
Hi Michele,
I notice there are guys who have viewed me and I have followed up with some of the matches. Some I send a message, some I send a smile. How much should I respond? I received a refusal the other day. What does it take to connect? I would like a committed relationship with a good Catholic man. And they are there. Help!
Signed
How to Connect?
Hello Michele,
I have a question, in regards to emailing someone. If I’m actually interested after their profile, how do I tell them I’m interested without sounding incredibly awkward? I have received a few rejected emails on this website and sometimes they don’t response back, could it be they are not interested? I need your help, what do I do?
Signed,
How to Meet Someone?
Dear How to Connect and How to Meet Someone,
As you can see in the similarity of your questions, making that first connection can be a common quandary. Let me give you hope: you have a better chance of meeting someone who shares your faith and values on this site then you do if you were randomly going out to bars or singles events. As the first person noticed, the good Catholic men are out there. And the good Catholic women are there too.
If someone has viewed your profile but did not get in touch with you, then that person may not be the best odds for a match. They may have seen something in your profile that is different than what he or she is looking for, and that’s a good thing! Why? Because early on, before any contact, you have been rescued from wasting your time. Your dating is functioning “properly” if it is preventing you from getting into the wrong relationship. I think sending a smile to someone who has viewed your profile is appropriate, but don’t be concerned if you don’t hear back.
Now, how to find the right relationship? If you see a person and profile that you are interested in, then a simple two or three sentence email opening the door for further communication is appropriate. You can state that you read their email and you think you may be match, or you may invite him or her to read your profile and get back in touch. This site is built for people to find each other, so don’t worry about feeling awkward about sending an email. If they don’t respond, then yes, they are not interested. I would not send a follow-up email, because you have received your answer.
However, I would encourage everyone to actually respond when someone sends you an email. It’s ok to respond with “I’m not interested, thank you for getting in touch,” or something that is short, direct, and kind. Again folks, it’s okay, being straightforward is much better than just disappearing. And if you get that rejection email, please don’t ask the person “why?” At this point, you are not in a relationship, so sometimes we don’t get to find out “why.” Simply continue being yourself, being honest in your profile, and putting yourself out there.
I hate to admit it, but at some point it is a numbers game. The more people you see that you could be interested in, the more chance you have of meeting someone. Consider opening up your age range, distance you are willing to travel, or other factors that might be limiting your matches.
Meeting someone is difficult, as I’ve said before it’s a miracle when any two people meet each other, are interested in each other the same amount at the same time, and then get to the point where they are both able to commit. But here is the Good News: our God is in the miracle business!! Keep praying, asking for discernment, and seeking within to find if there is anything you can be doing to better prepare yourself for the mate that He has selected for you. And remember, the Lord may be asking you to grow closer to Him first, so you can learn the intimacy and blessings of a relationship with your Perfect Mate while He is preparing your earthly mate just for you.
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
