Dear Michele: Does Age Matter?
Dear Michele,
I am 53 years old, and have a problem because most men in the lists I get want to date women that are 50 or younger. Should I reply to them? I know I look 45-47 but I am not 50.
A.
Dear Michele,
I’m in my mid 40’s and I tend to date woman who are younger. I’m just not attracted to women who are my age. I’ve heard a lot of women complain about this, does it make me a bad person?
C
Dear A, Dear C,
There are so many different views on dating and age differences, you could probably ask the question 10 times and get 10 different answers. It comes down to personal preference, because you have the right to date the people that you choose to date. With that said, is there distinctly a Catholic view on age and dating? Only in the area of authenticity. Lying about your age is never the answer when it comes to your date. Starting a relationship based on a distortion is getting started on the wrong foot. If you want to reply to someone who is outside of your age range, there are a few guidelines to consider. You can say nothing about your age, because it is visible on your profile, or you can say that you know that your age is slightly out of range of preferences but you wanted to respond anyhow. If you are 2-3 years out of the preference range, I don’t see it as a problem. If you are 5-10 years outside of the range, respect the person’s desire and don’t send an inquiry.
Authenticity also means being honest about your dating preferences. If you only want to date within a certain age range, then you have that choice. Others may not like it. But don’t date someone only later to decide that the reason you don’t want to continue the relationship is due to age. Be up front. But also, but up front with yourself. Are you dating younger women because you are avoiding your own feelings about aging? Does dating younger women make you feel more attractive? Are you avoiding maturing? Do you feel there “must be something wrong” with women your age while avoiding the fact that you are in the same boat? Are you dating younger women with the assumption that you want to have your own children? Remember, that is never a guarantee, at any age. I had a client in his 50’s that would only date women who were of “child-bearing age” (a number that is rapidly changing). He met a fell in love with a beautiful women in her late 30’s, and then found out that she could not have children. If childbearing is your only criteria, the relationship is based on a criteria that makes it a shame. That couple are happily married now and looking forward to adopting.
Research shows that age does matter when a couple is significantly different in years. When the individuals are from two different generations, there can be differences that are more difficult to navigate. Will opening up your profile by a few years either way change things much? It just may bring you the date that you’ve been looking for, in the right time and at the right age that God has prepared for you.
