Dear Michele;For years I have disregarded the Church teaching on premarital sex; due to positive changing events in my spiritual life I now want to wait until after marriage. My question is, when should you put the brakes on when it comes to making out with someone you are seeing?
Signed,
Finally Believing Church Teaching
Dear Finally Believing,
Congratulations! The angels are singing in heaven! You have made an amazing commitment to the future health of your marriage and to your own spiritual journey. I know this is a very difficult teaching, my husband and I chose to follow it during our courtship. You may receive negative feedback or ridicule from the secular culture, just know that you are standing upright in your walk with the Lord.
One great reward of this teaching is that you will be able to more clearly discern when to get involved and when to pull back from a potential relationship. The right woman is just waiting to hear that you desire to remain chaste. And it takes both people to believe, or at least follow the teaching to make it work effectively. I would suggest letting someone know how you feel very early on, by the third date at the latest. It’s an easy conversation to have when you work in your faith story. That way, both of you are on the “same page” and can encourage each other to “put on the breaks.”
A good rule of thumb is to be mindful of your physical intimacy and stop when you are getting aroused to the point that it will be difficult to stop. That normally means keeping your clothes on, and no overnight stays, even just for cuddling. Each couple, and individual, must make a personal choice on setting boundaries, and I would encourage frequent discussion between the two of you accompanied by prayer and reading on the subject.
I am so thrilled for you, as I know the fruit that is waiting for you.
Good luck in your journey and God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
