I recently received two letters from relatively new members, asking about the meaning of receiving a rose:
Hi Michele,
I am new to the online singles scene. I was recently sent a yellow rose via email with no text and I have no idea what the appropriate response is if I am not interested. Can you enlighten me as to what a yellow rose means and what types of responses are warranted for this gesture?
Thanks!
Signed,
What’s Up with the Rose?
Dear Michele,
Hi. I’ve been on the site for a few months now and haven’t had much going on. Had a few roses sent but when I write to thank them and offer to write to get to know each other I don’t hear back. What advice can you give me?
Signed,
New woman here
Dear What’s Up and New Woman,
A rose by any other name .. is a friendly way to say “hello.” Other sites may use a “poke” or a “wink,” or as a female on this site you have the option of sending a smile. It’s meant to be a fast, easy way to let someone know that you have read his or her profile and you are interested in communicating further. It’s easy because you don’t really have to send any words. I would imagine it’s similar to the “olden days” when a man may actually have sent a woman a rose.
The two of you have questions around the same issue: what does a rose mean in terms of a response? So, if you have received a rose and are not interested, you have the option of choosing the “no thank you” button, or a simple one-line message saying “thank you” but not interested. I would imagine that some people simply don’t respond at all, which is also an option, but not the best one. I am a huge fan of “authentic dating,” meaning you practice being open and kind with your thoughts and emotions, even if you are never going to see that person again.
Which leads to the second question. If someone sends you a rose and you do respond, then it is baffling to why he would not continue communication. My first advice would be to make your response very short and to the point. Remember, you are just flirting at this stage, not necessarily telling your whole story. You can send a “thank you” with a short comment on something you see in his profile that the two of you have in common. Or, you can ask a question about something in his profile. To follow my own advice of being authentic, there is always the possibility that he simply has met someone else or spent more time reviewing your profile and realized that you are not a good match. If either of those are the case, move on. There is someone who is more consistent and more honest in his communication out there for you.
Hope that helps!
Michele Fleming, M.A.
