Dear Michele,
What is your opinion on being involved with someone who is a wonderful person that has been honest enough to expose that they have a sexually transmitted disease prior to my getting involved with them. I believe in intimate relations after marriage so this is not an issue yet. This person is a very strong Catholic who walks their talk; this happened a very long time ago. What do you feel Jesus would say or do?
Signed,
Health Concern
Dear Health Concern,
Thank you so much for being brave enough to ask your question. This situation comes up MUCH more than people realize. It can be filled with anxiety and shame, so I want to applaud you for allowing us to examine this issue.
Your date sounds like he or she has both integrity and depth of character, because they are exposing a very vulnerable part of themselves. It takes a lot to broach this subject, so it also shows how much this person cares about you, your health, and the relationship. Bringing this subject to your attention is the definition of authenticity and honesty. It shows that he or she has what it takes to tackle the tough topics.
What would Jesus do? Simply, he would do what His entire Gospel teaches us. Love. Truth. Grace. There is forgiveness for past mistakes (having a disease is NOT a sin), and He makes all things new. He asks that we bring our heart to him, and to be honest in all of our failings. And when we do, his Grace is bigger and wider than any of our shortcomings. So it’s as much as “what would Jesus do” as it is “what am I asked to do.” It sounds like your date has done what we are asked: repent, ask for forgiveness, turn your life around, and be honest.
What is your part? To accept this entire person, flaws and all. Acceptance is not necessarily approval, it’s love with grace. If you are considering this person to be marriage material, then you are being called into relationship with all of the good and challenging parts of him or her. This is one issue that cannot be changed, but can be faced together as a couple. If you don’t feel as if you can accept this part of him or her, then you have to consider ending the relationship. As a future partner, you don’t’ want to punish this person for a past mistake by blaming or shaming him or her. When true repentance has taken place, there is no room for judgment. If you feel it is something you can handle together, than consider this just one of the issues you will learn how to approach as a team.
Since sex prior to marriage is not an issue, then you have time to discuss how this sexually transmitted disease may affect your physical intimacy. Are there extra precautions you may need to take? Will this affect the ability to have children? These are questions to be answered within the privacy of your relationship and in conversation with a knowledgeable doctor.
I know Jesus weeps with us from the effects of the “sexual freedom” that proliferates our culture, but I also know that His arms are open to accept us back to Him whenever we are ready to turn to him. I wish you all of God’s blessings in your journey with this partner.
Thanks again for your question,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
