Dating Younger Women

Dating Younger Women

Dear Michele,
I am a male in my late 50’s, but have been a very fit and slim athlete all my life. I run 10Ks, play tennis and volleyball, and do all my weekend errands on bike. I am gluten-free, alcohol-free, and have very little family. And I am open to having a new family, but would prefer no children from a prior marriage. My closest friends say I am gentle, kind, and have a great disposition. Yet, I have AGED! It happens to the best of us. I don’t hide my wrinkles, but I do smile a lot! Bottom line, I’ve approached many, many women on this website in the 38-43 year old age range and those who respond say they just aren’t interested in a much older man. I recall my grandfather was married for 40 years to a woman 19 years younger. He was also quite healthy.

My Catholic counselor, who has known me 6 years, says I definitely need to be dating active women who are 15-20 years younger. Bottom line, I just wonder if you have any suggestions for me. Am I being unrealistic?

Still Young and Active


Dear Still Young and Active,

Sounds like you have done a great job of keeping yourself fit. And yes, age does find all of us. It’s comforting to know that everyone on this side of heaven is getting older at the same rate, one day at a time.

Ok, my initial thoughts are .. women in those age ranges are still able to have children, and they may want to choose someone to start a new family with that is closer to their age, for the sake of the (potential) children. Is there something else important to you about that specific age range? Is it because you want to have more children? I understand you saw a relationship between your grandfather and his younger wife, did this somehow set up an ideal for you? Here’s the core: why is it important to you to date a younger woman? And before you mention how active you are, I am sure there are women in your age range, or at least closer, that can keep up with you. What does dating a younger woman mean to you?

We each have the right to choose who we are going to date. But if you choose to limit who you are going to meet based on age, then you have to accept that you may spend more time alone and being single then actually dating. So, to be realistic, you have to decide which is more important to you: to find a compatible mate, or to find someone of a certain age. Yes, you could find a compatible mate who is much younger, but your chances are much smaller. And hey, it’s hard enough to find someone! Have you dated women your own age? What was it like?

Is there a part of you that wants to feel younger by being with a younger woman? If you would like to raise children again, there are always opportunities for adoption, fostering, or volunteering. If your counselor knows you well, and you trust him or her, then that may be your best source of advice.

I’m glad you are asking this question, and looking at your priorities. You sound like an active, interesting, and faithful person, and my hope for you is you will continue to live life to it’s fullest no matter who it is you are dating.

God Bless,

Michele Fleming, M.A.