Dear Michele,
What can a person do, male or female, once they pass the big 5-0 and are still very energetic and still in shape, when one is approached mostly by the older crowd who have pretty much let themselves go? The reason for my position on fitness is quite simple…because fitness is my profession. And so therefore being fit is more important to me then someone being drop dead gorgeous. But, also at this stage of life I’m experiencing a lot of frustration after loosing my spouse several years ago because now I am ready again there is no one out there…being a die-hard romantic this is killing me and now here I am full of life and on my own. It sucks to be lively and yet alone.
Signed,
Dating After 50
Dear Dating After 50,
Each of us has the right to our own values when it comes to looking for a romantic partner. If our list is too strict and excludes too many potential dates, then we are really the only person who will suffer the consequences. From what I hear in your letter, your passion, and profession, has been fitness. I would imagine it is a part of who you are, how you see yourself and what brings you fulfillment. It is completely reasonable that you would want to share that passion with a potential mate. You don’t need to apologize for what you find to be valuable to you. At the same time, others may value fitness but may have medical or other reasons they have “let themselves go. You may end up waiting to find the right match for you in that area, and that can be ok.
Yes, it sucks to be alone. I agree. At any age if you are really ready and want a good relationship. I got sooo tired of hearing how “hard marriage is” from my married friends when I was single. Yes, marriage has its challenges, but in the right marriage you are going through those challenges with someone else. When you are single, you are going through those challenges alone. But …
You are not actually alone. You have access to the great Healer, Counselor, the most perfect relationship found in Jesus Christ. It’s not a cliché, it’s the opportunity you have right now with the time on your hands and lack of responsibility to someone else. Being single is also a great gift, one that you cannot claim again once you commit your life to someone else. This can be a wonderful time of rekindling your relationship with our Lord and His church. Luke 10:2 tells us, “And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.” What may you be called to do right now? Serving others? Getting involved with a ministry in your church, maybe even a singles ministry? Serving in the liturgy or worship? Or, maybe this is a time to explore questions you have about the faith, or time to study Scripture, or start attending Adoration. The list goes on and on.
As the Lord prepares your heart to meet someone, and the heart of your future partner, consider growing closer to Him. Allow Him to show you what He wants you learn during this time. You may be surprised at what Christ can do when our circumstances “suck.”
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
