People “say” they’re in a committed relationship.
Occasionally, I don’t do all the due diligence before asking someone out. There just isn’t time, and I look at the person and know it’s now or never, and I shoot for the moon. And then I hear,
“I’m sorry, I’m in a committed relationship,” or, “I’m sorry the timing is bad” which probably also means they’re in a committed relationship.
So I ask, “How long are you committed for?” I mean, it would be good to know.
And the answer is surprising. Nobody really knows.
“We like each other.”
“We’re not dating anyone else.”
“We’re exclusive. Committed.”
But for how long, they haven’t the slightest idea.
“As long as it works out”; okay, say that now, and you’ll probably think that on your wedding day.
Truth is you’re not in a committed relationship and probably never have been. Your relationship may be very beautiful and even romantic, but, no, it’s not committed. Two people committed without a timeframe are a goal and plan without a deadline; a cake and an oven without a timer.
Real commitment says how long.
I can get cable TV and I know I’m committed for a year; an iPhone, 2 years; my new job, 3 years. I buy a car, I’m committed to 5 years of payments; a house 30 years! In human affairs commitment comes with a beginning and an end; except, for some reason, dating.
If you’re in a relationship and want to do something cool for 2015 try making a real commitment. If an entire year is too much, try just a month.
“Hey, you wanna go out with me for the entire month of January?” And so many problems and anxieties go away, too.
Now you know that if you get dumped or break up at least it’ll happen at the end of the month. If it coincides with your shopping run, just add dark chocolate to the list or buy new speakers and you’ll be fine.
If you end up renewing, celebrate and go out to dinner.
It keeps your options open. If you find someone else interesting, just get their number. Tell them you’ll call in three months if you’re current relationship falls through. If not, then they’ll never hear from you. At least you know how long you’re in and when you’re out and you have options.
So this New Year’s, don’t go down three sizes for him. Don’t try to tell her how stable you are by opening a Money Market account. Offer your “other” some peace of mind and tell them how long you’re in it for and give the rest of us a shot.
